Having a Baby While Shacking Up Is Much More Common
Photo: Veer
More and more babies are being born to unmarried couples who live together. According to a new study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 22% of firstborn babies were born to women who weren’t married but lived with their partner between 2006 and 2010. In 2002, that rate was 12%.
These findings are important because there’s a belief that children born to parents who weren’t married have a less stable home and have fewer resources than babies born to married parents do. But the research also states that children born to parents who live together actually have more resources and stability than those born to single parents who don’t live together.
What do you think of these findings? Do you think it’s important for a couple to be married before having a baby?
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This is my opinion:
I feel that it is better for the parents of the baby to be married. I believe it does offer a more stable environment and family dynamic. It also shows that the parents are more committed to each other and the long term future.
My opinion:
I feel that marriage isn’t the only way a couple can provide a stable, loving home for a family. I was with my husband for eight years before we were married. It just so happened that I didn’t get pregnant until four months after the wedding. If it happened before, our family would have grown just the same as it is now. I know many, couples that are unmarried and raising children just as well as married couples, even better than some. Marriage isn’t everything, it’s the commitment and love to one another that matters.
I feel that it is best for a baby to grow up in a loving home where the child know that his or her parents love each other and are commited to each other. This provides a loving and stable environment for the baby. While there are loving parents who are not married, the child will realize that they didn’t make the commitement to marry one another. This doesn’t mean that they won’t do a wonderful job raising their child, but I believe that it does make for a less stable environment. Married couples who said their vows but didn’t fully mean it, and aren’t fully commited to each other can be worse than those not married too. Marriage is a very serios commitment, and should not be taken lightly. And I believe that every child deserves a home with loving commited parents. After all, we are considering whats best for the child right? If you love your boyfriend/girlfriend, and you want to start a family together, then I think you should do the responsible thing and marry that person first. If you are commited enough to have a child, you should be commited enough to marry. I hope I haven’t offended anyone, I know that some children arrive by surprise, and I truely believe that every child is a gift from God. If you for some reason haven’t been able to provide this example of loving and commited parents, I don’t think that makes you a bad person or a bad parent. I do think that means you will have to try harder to make your child feel secure, and you deserve all the love and encouragement you can get to accomplish this.
Just to keep this going:
It is defiantly about what’s best for the child. I just don’t think two individuals need to be “married on paper” to make an example to a child that they are committed to each other.
To make it interesting:
What about gay/lesbian couples, who aren’t married, that are raising a child/children? Does the fact they aren’t married put them into the category of an unmarried who need to work harder to make a child feel secure?
My opinion:
My fiance and I are having our first baby in June we will have been engaged for a year. We knew we were bound to each other already when I found out. Our child will grow up with 2 living parents that are committed to each other, the only thing we don’t have right now is a piece of paper saying so.
Whats more important than married or not married is if the situation is conducive to raising a child. I think people who feel it is better for the couple to be married are assuming that this is an ideal marriage. Married doesn’t mean happy, safe, well off, free from abuse or even committed to only that person. Not married does not mean unstable or that there is less love between the two people. I don’t think there is a cookie cutter answer for all couples. To each it’s own and it depends on the situation.
My husband and I got engaged this past December 4th and found out we were expecting a baby December 30th. We decided to move up our wedding from October to March 31st because we thought if we waited after the baby came we would just keep pushing it off. We had already been living together for a year and we were already 100% committed to each other so getting married before or after our baby was born would not have made any difference in our childs life. Our marriage hasn’t changed anything in our relationship. So I dont feel like it makes a difference, when our baby girl is born in August she will not feel any more love then she would have if we had decided to wait to get married. Rings and a piece of paper will not give the baby any better of a life, happy, loving and committed parents will.
I don’t think it matters. Me and my dd’s father aren’t married, but we’ve been together about four years. Our daughter is almost one. Everyone we meet, especially our dr. says that our daughter is very well tempered and obviously a happy baby. My dr also told me, you can tell when a baby comes from a happy househould, and you can tell my dd is well taken care of. She’s never been a fussy baby and behaves very well around other people and in public (for a one year old). We interact with her constantly and are always doing fun things with her. Unlike a lot of married couples, I know may feel more pressure because they are married, and stress more about things that don’t really matter it seems. I know before I had my daughter, some of my friends would try to pity me because I wasn’t married like them. Needless to say, several of them are already divorced. I’m very proud to say I’ve NEVER been divorced. One day we may get married, but that isn’t a priority to me. My main priority is enjoying my daughter and enjoying every minute of her life. Maybe when she gets older, and when we have other children, if they want us to get married, we probably will.
I should also mention, I have a lot of friends who are married and have babies close to my daughter’s age, and they seem to have a lot of stress in the marriages just like everyone else. Some people are just better at hiding it than others, and are quicker to judge.
I am 8 weeks pregnant and I am not married. My boyfriend and I live together and love each other very much. We are already committed to each other we just dont have a ring or a piece of paper to show it. We have been talking about marriage for a while before we found out we were having a baby and once we found out we talked about getting married but to rush the process just because im pregnant seems silly. We will eventually get married once the baby gets here but until then there is no rush. We will love and care for our baby just as well (if not better) than married couples. Its not the fact that I have his last name, its the fact of giving the baby a stable, loving home environment to grow up in, which we are more than capable of doing.
I personally am in this situation. I have a 6 year old and a 4 month old with my boyfriend. We have been together for 8 years, and talk about marriage, but just have no even gotten to that point. We feel married, do the same things married people do. We are stable, He has a great job, and I am a stay at home mom. I see no problem with this. Sure,I would love to have the same last name as my children..but more stable? Not a possibility. We are a perfect family.