Am I the Only Mom Who Isn’t Obsessed With Fifty Shades of Grey?

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I’m fashionably late to the Fifty Shades party. My mom friends have buzzed about it for weeks, calling it the best love story they’ve ever read. Husbands everywhere are celebrating the sizzling effects they’ve seen in the bedroom as a result of their wives reading it. Personally, I gravitate toward haunting non-fiction memoirs by triumphant women like Maya Angelou’s I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. But I do love to mix it up with some good pop lit (especially ones that include mysterious, brooding men.) So I took the leap and dove into Fifty Shades with open arms.

I’ve tried to love it. I have. But here’s why I’m not a Fifty Shades-ophile (so far):

The writing is clunky and repetitive: I totally get this isn’t supposed to be Pulitzer prize material (and hey, I loved Twilight so I’m no literary snob), but if I have to read about Miss Steele’s “cheerleading inner goddess” or “scolding subconscious” one more time I think I might gag and tie myself up to the bed.

It’s not believable: Okay, so a werewolf imprinting on a vampire baby isn’t exactly realistic either, but for a story set in the modern day real world (I can tell from the musical references), I’m having a hard time believing the young, sheltered, innocent Ana would be so open to Mr. Grey’s…interests. Plus, she’s a college student and doesn’t have email or a computer?

It’s not hot, it’s scalding. While I’m all for steamy love scenes, I’m not finding most of Ana and Mr. Grey’s trysts sensual at all. I’m thinking more about logistics and safety than anything else. I know that Ana is a willing participant, but I can’t help but think she’s so young of mind she’s not thinking clearly and some of the scenes sound like abuse to me. Maybe I’m oversensitive to this because I have a young daughter?

Should I press through and finish the series? Anyone else not hooked? Who should be cast in the movie?

Plus, more from The Bump

How Often Other Moms are Having Sex

How to Rev Up Your Sex Life

Do People Actually Have Sex After Babies?