How I Did Everything Right – And Still Had Trouble Getting Pregnant
Getty / The Bump
My husband and I did everything “right”. We got married, we traveled, we saved money, we bought a house, and after five years of being married, we were ready to be parents on paper and in our hearts. We excitedly stopped using protection and assumed that would be enough to get pregnant and have a baby. Simple, right? Not so much. We did conceive reasonably fast, but I ended up miscarrying in the shower just after telling my parents I was pregnant. I dramatically cried out in shock – I had no idea that this was even possible (and I thought I was an educated 30 year old woman!)
My whole world crumbled and I felt totally alone, completely shouldering the responsibility for the loss and of taking away the dream of a child from everyone: my husband, the would-be first time grandparents. But as time is known to do, slowly, gently, I got my courage back. And like a bad re-run I got pregnant and miscarried again. When I confided in friends, I’d hear well-meaning things like “oh, it must not have been meant to be” (I’m not meant to be a mother?!), “chin up, you can try again” (yah, in two months when I finally ovulate again!), and the worst “well, at least you know you can get pregnant”. (Really? ‘Cuz either way I’m not having a baby.) I couldn’t get over how out of control I felt in the process. I was doing everything right and it still wasn’t working. What was wrong with me?
Almost a year of long, abnormal cycles followed. Hundreds of basal temperatures recorded and cervical mucus examinations later and finally I got pregnant a third time. But there were no celebratory cheers or calls made. The joy of getting pregnant was gone for me by then. How could I know it would last? I was more nervous and worried during that pregnancy than any other (to the point of heart palpitations so bad I needed a heart monitor), and I stressed out about being stressed out. But just to spite the friends that said “I’m sure when you stop stressing about it, it’ll happen”, this was the pregnancy that lasted. My son is 9 years old now and has defied “average” every step of the way.
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Oh man – I can relate to feeling out of control!! We also did everything right but ended up having 2 ectopic pregnancies. we are currently in our second round of IVF hoping this time it works and we can add to our family (we did thankfully have one natural pregnancy before both tubes were destroyed). There is just so little about this process that you actually have control over right up until the baby is in your arms (and really even after) that makes it scary when you have spent your whole life being able to make decisions! I always tell my friends now when they get married, don’t wait too long – you never know what you are going to be up against!
I love this post. Thanks for sharing. This gives me so much hope!!
Mommy to Be