Are Moms Who Work Part-Time the Happiest?
The stay-at-home mom / working mom debate will probably continue to wage, but a new survey released today by TheBump.com and ForbesWoman.com gives us a glimpse into what moms of different employment statuses are really thinking and feeling. It suggests that many of those who work full-time and those who stay home full-time aren’t happy with their current roles.
982 women participated in the survey, and of them, 664 were working mothers. When asked if having a child affected their work performance, 34 percent admitted their work performance was slacking a bit and they wished they were home with baby instead of at work. In fact, 47 percent felt they would be happier if they didn’t have to work at all.
Unfortunately, the current economic situation makes staying at home impossible for many women. For working moms, 62 percent say financial circumstances were the reason they chose to return to work. In addition, 48 percent of the working moms and 33 percent of the stay-at-home moms said that being able to stop working is a financial luxury that many families can’t afford.
“Americans are facing more financial pressure than ever, and our survey reveals some troubling cracks in the facade of the have-it-all working mother,” says Meghan Casserly, ForbesWoman staff writer. “More than a third resent their partners for not earning enough to make it a possibility. This raises some significant questions for parents and the companies that hope to keep them in the workforce.”
Not only does the decision to work or not affect a mother’s mood (and her relationship with her spouse), but it also affects how they treat themselves. Both working moms and stay-at-home moms feel they sacrifice ”me” time to fulfill their roles (34 percent and 58 percent, respectively). They also spend less money on themselves, with 34 percent of working moms and 53 percent of stay-at-home moms spending less than $50 on themselves a month. What happened to treating yourself?
“Personal spending and even full-time careers are taking a backseat to raising children and are ultimately having an effect on moms’ overall happiness,” says Carley Roney, editor in chief of TheBump.com. “This survey reveals that whether working or stay-at-home, moms are feeling pressure from their financial situation and partners to choose their role.”
With 25 percent of stay-at-home moms feeling that they’ve sacrificed their identity by being at home, and 43 percent of working moms saying they have been made to feel they don’t spend enough time with their children, we have to wonder, do part-time working moms have the best of both worlds? Working part time, a mom makes money to help her family’s financial security, gets to keep the non-mom side of her brain sharp, yet she also has plenty of time with the kids.
Are you a stay-at-home mom, a full-time working mom or a part-time working mom? What do you think is the best scenario?
Plus more from The Bump:
The Back-to-Work Guide for New Moms
The Truth About Being a Working Mom
What It’s Really Like to Be A Stay-at-Home Mom
The Knot Blog
The Nest Blog
I am SO sick of this debate. As long as each mother makes the decision based on what is best for their family & their individual situation who are we to judge?
I have mom friends who work part time and they love it. It gives them just a bit more time to get things done than when you’re working full time (cramps your weekend with chores). There are also lots of other creative ways to achieve your work-life balance than the typical scenarios– working from home, alternating shifts, partner staying at home. It concerns me that in the survey more women didn’t feel they had choices and aren’t feeling happy in their current situations. I wonder if they got more support from their spouses on their home workload if that could improve (it’s the only way it works in my house). When mom’s unhappy, everyone’s unhappy!
I love working just part-time. But, right now, it’s pretty sweet. I work mostly just in the morning, have significant time with my son during the day, have chances to not be rushed at keeping up the house and chores and meals, don’t have to take off work to go to doctor’s appointments and still earn a great income – far better than if I had taken a job that was just weekends or evenings.
Will I always do it this way? I don’t know. But right now, I love it! I’m very grateful that I had a husband who was okay with the lower income and a company willing to work with me. We built our budget and income needs based upon his income so that staying at home was always an option. Most women aren’t that lucky – by their choice, their spouse’s choice or just life circumstances. My husband was even okay with me staying at home and not working at all, so that might be a route I go in the future, but for now this is perfect.
I work 3 days a week and stay home with my little girl 2 days just because day care is so expensive but the mortgage has to be paid. So I gave up a few things on a very limited budget but I do feel it is the best of both worlds and I am very HAPPY!
I’m new to this, but I have recently started working at home part time and am thrilled with the decision – it’s been wonderful so far for my family (and for me!). My full time job was fine and certainly fulfilled what I was looking for before I had my son, but I discovered once I became a mom that, while I didn’t feel being a full time stay at home mom was right for me, I did feel that if I weren’t with him it should be for something I cared more about. Finally, after YEARS of good intentions, I finally had sufficient motivation to pursue the creative careers I’d been dreaming of (design and writing), and unlike in past years where I made a half-assed attempt, this new motivated push has proven fruitful. I am home with my son every day but two days a week my parents are there all day to take care of him while I work, and it’s amazing. I’ve managed to procure enough work through just my direct contacts that I’m always busy, but my deadlines tend to be wide enough that I’m able to get everything done with the two days that my parents are here plus whatever time I can get on the other days when my baby can be otherwise occupied. This balance will be harder when there are two, but then again by the time that happens my career will be a little farther along and I’ll likely be making a bit more money for a bit less work… so we’ll see how that goes. No second kid on the way yet.
The statistics in here are very cleverly placed. You state that “25 percent of stay-at-home moms feeling that they’ve sacrificed their identity by being at home”, which really means that 75% of SAHMs do not feel they sacrifice who they are FOR their children. The Bump blogs do not state both sides of the statistics picture I am finding.
I am so glad to read that working moms are thinking about the stay-at-home option. How wonderful for their children to hear, “I want to stay home with you,” rather than “I want a career to fulfill me so I don’t want to stay home with you.” (I am not talking about moms who NEED to work.)
In fact, living within the confines of a budget teaches frugality, and sacrifice, which is not a bad lesson for kids to learn. There are many households that need two incomes, but there are also many that think they do and they really do not. Big homes, fancy vacations, and new cars are not more important than the time and lessons that I can teach my child. I don’t want to teach that trusting a stranger is ok, so I do not put my child in the care of someone I do not know or do not trust. There is so much fulfillment that is gained from sacrifice and giving that I would not give up staying home unless we had the most serious financial strain. None of us can have it all, but that is why I waited to have children with my husband until we could support our household with only his income. If we hit hard times, or if he were killed in action (he is military), I have a plan, but until then, I will give my time to my family while I have the energy to do so and while my children are still so in need of my time.
I am so glad to read that working moms are thinking about the stay-at-home option. How wonderful for their children to hear, “I want to stay home with you,” rather than “I want a career to fulfill me so I don’t want to stay home with you.” (I am not talking about moms who NEED to work.)
Wow! That is a very judgmental statement. How do you know that women are working because they need a career to fulfill them and would rather not stay home with their children. I work full-time and have an 18 month old daughter and another one on the way. I do not have to work nor do I work because I need a career to fulfill me. My family could live on my husband’s salary as far as necessities go. However, I choose to work so that I can pay for my children to go to college and they won’t have to take out loans that will take them years to repay. I want to have the financial means to give them the best start in life possible. When you bring a child into this world, you owe them at least that.
First off, it is WONDERFUL for you and your child that you have family to care for him/her. That is great news! Why is there an age limit at which you have to be in the workforce or you have lost all hope of a career? I am not saying that a working mother is a bad mom-that would be judgemental. My difference of opinion is not a judgement. Maybe my comment was not worded in the most appropriate way to impart my meaning-the part in parentheses was supposed to communicate that point. Your child is only small for so long, and as you say yourself, in a few years he/she will be off to school and you will have so much time to focus on your career. Your child, your choice, but all choices have consequences-my choice forfeits some income for my family, but then I get to teach my child frugality, budgeting, sacrifice, etc. So each of us has positive and negative, but I certainly did not say anyone was a bad parent for choosing to work. You are right that every mother sacrifices something-either time with their child, or financial options as the future comes closer.
You owe your child love, lessons of life, and unconditional love. I don’t want to set my children up to live my goals for them. I really am not concerned if they go to college or not. I did and even with my parents saving for me, due to a disease, I had to go through more slowly than their budget allowed, so I still have loans that I am paying. The future plans often take their own shape. I know that from my life. My husband and I have plans if he ever loses his military career, but I won’t set up a plan for my kids that they do not choose, so yes, the financial outlook is much less daunting to me. If I need to work to help my kids through college, then I will still be young enough to do that when they start. It’s their choice and we save in order to be able to help them, but there are lots of options for them depending on what they feel called to do in this world. THEY could work to put themselves through college, there’s a crazy thought!
How dare you say that my choice to work is because I want to feel fulfilled and don’t want to stay home with my son. You have no idea why I choose and you likely don’t know why many other mothers choose this option to. I don’t judge you for staying home, who do you think you are to judge me?
Becky, not sure how you read that as an attack on you. I know working moms who have stated that they do not feel fulfilled by staying home and therefore they chose to work. I don’t know you, so I certainly am not calling you out. Not sure why you read it that way. I also made NO judgement. Many moms are reading my statement as SAHMs are ‘good’ and Working Moms are ‘bad’. I don’t make that leap either. I don’t think it’s my place to say whether you are a good or bad mom-I’m not God, so I’ll leave that up to Him. I made a comment towards this initial post and not to working moms who do not fit the statements that I framed in my original comment. I am sorry you took offense to an insult that was not there. Take care!
Becky, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, so I won’t take offense to you calling me a jerk. Your statement to me “you have implied” is exactly the problem here. You are reading into my statements rather than just reading what I have stated. Don’t look for what isn’t there. There are wonderful caregivers in the ECE field. Many are friends of mine. My brother is also a lawyer and has told me that most of the child abuse cases that come across his desk are adults with easy access to kids. I know of only one incident when I was working in child care of a caregiver doing something abusive to a child. Again, please don’t read into my comments. I am not implying anything but what is stated in plain english. Let’s keep the debate to what we are each saying and not a made up imagined conversation. I don’t understand how it is your parents’ fault that you have college debt? My parents saved for me and it was not enough due to a disease causing me to spread out my classes more than the typical student. I still have loans and they are not crippling. They can be paid off. It’s tough to predict the future. If college is what you want your child to have, and you want to work for that, then it sounds like you are working towards your goal. What if college is not your child’s goal is that question I always ask myself. There are a lot of ways to pay for college. That is a completely different topic, though. I really wish the best for you and your family. Take care!
Don’t discount mothers who work part and full time from home. I work full time from home and love it!!
Jaimi- that’s a very judgemental stance. Just because a woman enjoys working and loves her job, doesn’t mean she’s choosing it over her children. A balanced and fulfilled mother, is often the best. My daughter comes first in my life- there is no passion above her. However, I am great at my job and I really love what I do, that doesn’t make me any less of a mother than you are. We don’t need my paycheck to cover our bills, I actually don’t make that much, my husband has a wonderful profession and if I wanted to, I could be a SAHM. However, I love my work (I work for a childrens non profit) and feel I really contribute to our community.
I made no judgement-I did not call anyone a ‘bad mom’. A difference of opinion by no means implies that I want you or any other working mom to fail at your balancing act of mom and career woman. That is a major stretch! If you feel you can balance your career and spend the time with your daughter that she needs then great. I choose to give my time to my children while they are their most vulnerable; I don’t want them trusting a daycare caregiver that they just met and we don’t know well. I don’t want them exposed to other children while using the toilets and wiped by adults I do not know when they are potty training. I am not comfortable with what that teaches. I do however know that during my child-rearing years I CAN and WILL be totally fulfilled by my family and the time I can give to them. I will re-enter the workforce when it is time.
“Strangers” don’t keep my daughter. Her grandparents do. You don’t know everyone’s situation so please refrain from making close minded comments. Every family is different and what works for yours, won’t work for mine. As mothers, we should support and embrace each other. Not judge.
Beth, I did not presume to know your situation; I was speaking of what mine would be if I worked. I do embrace your success as a mother. Just because I have an opinion does not mean I wish you failure b/c you think differently. That would be pretty self-centered of me. I believe God guides us each on different paths. If your child is in the care of a trusted family member that is wonderful! Judgement would be me calling another mom ‘bad’ for making a decision I did not agree with. I do not call any mom ‘bad’. Please do not put words in my mouth or try to discredit my opinions as “closed-minded”. I have many years of experience taking care of children prior to having my own as well as a degree in Early Childhood Education. I really wish you the best, and was merely commenting on what the Feminist Movement taught women which was that home and family can not fulfill you, and that is crap. The stats in this report prove that. Each woman must research what is best for young children before even getting pregnant so we can fix the crisis of disconnected families. Sounds like you have a good one from what you say, so best of luck to you!
I work from home full-time, but I’m not able to care for my child 100% while working so he is still in some sort of care (right now he’s with Grandma). I have to admit I sometimes wish I would get fired so I had an excuse not to work. But I work for a company that offers fantastic benefits. So the decision is not limited to the weekly paycheck, but also the great health insurance, 401k, and other employee perks. And I always think about the future. Where will I be in 5 years when my child starts school? Getting back into the workforce at age 40? So based on that I have decided to keep working, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I was spending my time with my son instead. It’s a tough decision for all of us mothers to make and both require sacrifices.
irst off, it is WONDERFUL for you and your child that you have family to care for him/her. That is great news! Why is there an age limit at which you have to be in the workforce or you have lost all hope of a career? I am not saying that a working mother is a bad mom-that would be judgemental. My difference of opinion is not a judgement. Maybe my comment was not worded in the most appropriate way to impart my meaning-the part in parentheses was supposed to communicate that point. Your child is only small for so long, and as you say yourself, in a few years he/she will be off to school and you will have so much time to focus on your career. Your child, your choice, but all choices have consequences-my choice forfeits some income for my family, but then I get to teach my child frugality, budgeting, sacrifice, etc. So each of us has positive and negative, but I certainly did not say anyone was a bad parent for choosing to work. You are right that every mother sacrifices something-either time with their child, or financial options as the future comes closer.
I keep reading your comments hopiing you will say something that will not make you sound like the jerk you come off sounding like. So far, you have implied that working moms are selfish, unorganized, spend too much money, don’t teach our children values or morals, have no concept of sacrifice, have been brainwashed by the Feminist Movement, cannot successfully manage both family and career but can only be a balancing act between mom and career woman, and oh yes let’s not forget you insulted everyone working in the early learning industry. As someone who also holds a degree in Early Childhood Education, I’m curious to know what you think it teaches a child when someone else helps them learn to use the restroom? Perhaps it teaches them compassion, patience, gratitude, or has your mind gone to a dark and dirty place? And if so, i would have to wonder why since you yourself have worked in the industry i would expect that you would have a deep appreciation for those folks and understand the tough job they do for pennies a day. Yes, i have worked in the industry, too, so i know that 99% of them are good people and if i have done my research as a mother then i should feel safe with whoever i leave my child with. And THAT is a good mom, when i can give my child some independance and allow him to grow while still letting him know that i will always be here for him, regardless of whether or not i have a career. I’m sure he’ll know that, too, when my salary pays for his college education instead of crippling him with student debt the way my parents did.
I work two days a week and couldn’t be happier. It is great to have a little extra income (what’s left after daycare, but still) and have two days to go to the bathroom by myself and be able to focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. I was lucky enough to find a job that I can leave at work for the most part and be able to focus on my family when not at the office.
I hear ya. Esp the bathroom. Why do 11 yr olds occasionally have to start coming into the bathroom for Mom? I’d love to work 2 days a week or 3 a/2 days. Sounds great! Keep it up and All the Best to You.
Due in Oct. with my first, and I just quit my low paying part time to be a full time mom. Although part time work is an option, I feel that most part time positions available to me are unfulfilling menial jobs. I’d rather be at home with my son than making $7.80/hr to pay for daycare and transportation. But if you can find a rewarding part time career, then I think you get the best of both worlds.
I currently went back to my part-time job once my son was born. My fiance is not very happy with me working P/T, since we are really struggling with bills, but I am working at making the maximum allowable for my position. I also do a lot of work from home which is amazing since it lets me be with my little guy more often. When I work, I am lucky enough to have my mother babysit, but if I was to return to work full-time, my salary alone would be paying for daycare.
I work 3 days a week 8:30-5 and stay home with my 12 month old 2 days a week and weekends ovbiously. At times, 3 full days out of the house can be a bit much, but over all it’s a great balance that allows for me to spend special time with my daughter as well as make enough to pay for our home monthly mortgage. I pretty much knew I would have to go back to work pt after having my DD (husband is a teacher and I was full time
, but I think I think if I was forced to go full time I would choose not to work and we would find ways to live within our means. I’m not having children so I can ship them off to a day care 7 days a week, why have children then? So if you can work out with your employer to be part time, it is the best of both worlds if you need that extra income.
Becky2 – that’s what I’m saying! This is currently my struggle, the having kids who just get shipped off to daycare 5 days a week. I really feel like I’m missing so much with my son, let alone he hasn’t had stable care since he was born. I WISH I had loving family members and people I knew and trusted to work with me; but then again, I kinda do want to be home more with my baby. I’m investigating other opportunities of employment that would give me that freedom for sure, but I hear you…I’m right with you! I realized that not all mothers have the same desires. I have known many women who went to work, worked 30 years at their company, and retired and have a great relationship with their children. And I know many other women (both my mother and mother-in-law) who SAH and then found jobs once the kids were in school and they also have great relationship’s with their children. What works for one doesn’t always work for the other. But, for me, working full-time isn’t working and I’ve been doing it for almost 10 months now…it hasn’t gottne any easier I can tell you that! Pray for me!
@ Jaime. I think it is wonderful you are able to stay home with your children. What a blessing and what a sacrifice your husband is making. I do however think it is a shame you do not care whether or not your children receive an education. Your husband is in the service and so your children would receive plenty of financial assistance and graduate with little or no debt. That is such a disgrace and disrespectful towards him when he was worked so hard. My husband’s father did not care whether or not he went to school even though he had the financial means to do so. Now my husband is struggling to find a job that pays enough for what he does. He is in the IT field, but will not be able to continue to climb the ladder until he graduates which may be many years off. We have a two month old and I am currently working part time until I find a job with benefits. My prayer every day is that I am able to put her through undergraduate and graduate school. I had a family member sacrifice so that I could get a bachelor’s and master’s degree. It is has changed my life in a positive way and I will forever be grateful. Hopefully your children will choose to continue their education, but they need parental support with that as well.
As far as I’m concerned, it has to work for you. I dreaded going back to work when my first daughter was born 15 years ago and my parents were super helpful about helping us out. At that time we would have had a very difficult time making ends meet on just my husband’s salary. My parents watched my daughter every afternoon while I taught in the morning. After my second daughter was born, I switched panels and began teaching in the high school panel where I was able to teach mornings and be with my kids in the afternoons. My parents and my mother in law helped us out then and we had neighbours who I paid watch our girls a couple of days a week. I was also able to teach only 1 period a day for several years while my girls were just starting school and was able to then volunteer for school trips and in their classes. At the time, my husband’s job allowed him to be with the girls in the mornings to get them ready and off to school. I have been so lucky to have wonderful, caring care givers and the flexibility in my job to do this. My girls are 15 and 13 and I remain teaching part time and it works for us. I always wanted to be a SAHM but I also like to shop and go on vacations and that is why I continued to work. Some may say that is selfish, but we have had great family vacations that our kids will always remember and we have been able to spend lots of time having fun with them. I still love being home when they get home from school to chat with them and I don’t know if I will ever go back full time-maybe when they go to university. We’ll see. I think the main thing is that you can’t get mad at people for what they think and feel–everybody has the right to their own opinion. If you’re not happy with your situtation, then you have to accept it or try to change it. My mother in law couldn’t understand why I wanted to be a SAHM. But I didn’t let that change my mind about being part time. She has finally given up asking me when I’m going to go back full time.
I am fortunate enough to work part-time and still earn a good wage. This works for me as I love my career and my family and this allows me to have a bit of both. I get to spend quality time with my husband and child, but I still get to keep myself involved in my career which is critical to both me and my husband. It is not perfect but for us the benefits outweigh the downsides. I don’t think women (or men) can have it all, so families need to consider what is most important for them and try their best to build a life that meets that.
I’d love to find a decent part time job nearby. My hours are a bit flexible. Just don’t have a lot of skills. I was home with each of my kids,not much work history.Only a college degree, and a budget that can be a little severe. Each situation is different.
I have been working part-time since our son was 5 months old and Love it! Thankfully I am a nurse, so it is not too difficult to find part-time jobs. I work Thursday and Friday nights 7pm-7am and occasionally I may work a Saturday or Sunday night as well if needed. My Husband will be switching jobs next month where he will only work half days on fridays so I will have someone to watch our son while I sleep on Friday’s. Its been a great option for us because I am home all week with my son and get to do all the play-date mommy stuff, but I also get the chance to be with other adults away from the house while my husband has daddy time twice a week. We are blessed by this oppurtunity.
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[…] and ForbesWoman.com surveyed nearly 1,000 US working and stay-at-home moms for a “State of Parenthood and Economy 2012” survey. It asked about their decisions to work or stay at home after having a baby, and how their […]