Potty Training In Two Days — I Never Thought It Would Work, But It Did
“They need to be potty trained for Pre-K 3.” Those words, spoken by a teacher during my son’s school tour back in the spring, stung. You see, I had read a thing or two about potty training, and the gist I’d gotten was this: Wait until your child is ready — don’t force it. And my kid was turning three after the first day of school — he’d still be pretty young in the fall. What if he wasn’t ready, and I couldn’t manage to train him? Would he get kicked out of preschool? I was freaked out.
And it was probably because I was so nervous that, I’ll admit, I put potty training off. Spring turned into summer and our weekends quickly filled up with weddings, family gatherings, trips to the beach and soccer games. We were busy! Suddenly it seemed, there were just two weekends left until preschool and — because I know a thing or two about deadlines — I quickly got myself and my family in gear and started a weekend-long potty training boot camp. (If it didn’t work that weekend, it better work the next right?) I put all plans and errands aside and decided to hole up at home (despite the nice, fleeting summer weather), and devote the entire weekend to my son and the potty — I didn’t go anywhere and I didn’t let my son out of my sight. Somehow it did work that weekend, and this is my best advice for recreating my success:
Splurge on the character undies
Disposable training pants are diapers. I knew I had to get my kid out of them to get him trained. But I had to get him to like underwear — and how do you compete with the Cars and Disney princesses? With more of your kid’s favorite characters. I took my son to the store and showed him the full display of underwear and let him choose his favorites (Thomas & Friends were his choice). I didn’t say “no” to anything he asked for. Besides, I needed a lot of pairs.
Make the goal clear
Over the course of the potty training weekend, my husband and I repeated the goal to my son what felt like hundreds of times — and it wasn’t just “poop and pee in the potty” — he’d known he was supposed to do that for months now and that hadn’t motivated him. The goal now was to keep his underwear clean and dry. We reminded him constantly that to do that, he’d have to tell us when we had to go. Trust your child to do that even if you think they won’t — kids this age don’t like to be forced to do anything.
Prepare for a ridiculous number of messes
If you’re going to ditch the training pants, you can’t expect your child to get it right away. Or even after a few accidents. It will take what feels like a million accidents. I handwashed my son’s underwear in the sink until the entire bathroom was filled with hanging, drying undies. I was sick and tired of cleaning pee puddles. Yet, I still kept handing my son sippy cups of juice and water — as much as he’d drink. The more accidents the better, really. Each one is a step toward learning. Just pick up all the area rugs and arm yourself with plenty of floor and carpet cleaner.
Do what works best for your kid — and your family
I did a little bit of research, and some people think you should get rid of diapers completely when you potty train — even at night. But I knew my son wasn’t ready since his diaper is pretty wet in the mornings, so I just focused on daytime and that was the right choice for us.
Use rewards but not bribes
Every time I said to my kid, “Go to the potty and you’ll get a sticker” or “You can’t have an M&M until you pee in the potty,” he’d just throw a fit over the stickers or the M&Ms. So I didn’t promise anything. When he got it right though, I did usually offer a reward and always a ton of praise, and he loved that.
Try to be positive — as much as you can, at least
Anyone who’s ever taken a psychology class knows that positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement — so I knew praise for a job well done would work much better than scolding for mess-ups. I put on my enthusiastic hat and went crazy with the “Oh that’s okay. You can do it next time!”s. But, I’m a little embarrassed to admit, by the morning of day two, my enthusiasm was beginning to run out. My son was starting to feel cooped up and cranky and so was I. I caught myself sighing a lot and getting a little dramatic about yet another pair of dirty underwear. Later I worried that my negativity might hurt the process but, luckily, things were okay in the end. Cut yourself some slack if you don’t do everything perfectly.
Brag about the big kids you know
Looking back, I think the turning point happened toward the end of day two. My husband came home from the grocery store and we were chatting while my son was in the room. Somehow, I got the idea to start talking about his friends from school who are potty trained. “You know what?” I said to my husband, pretending like I didn’t realize my son was listening. “Justin goes pee and poop on the potty. Isn’t that so great? He wears underwear and keeps it clean and dry all day.” “Yes, that’s so awesome!” my husband replied. “What a big kid!” I looked at my son, who was wide-eyed, listening to our every word — I just knew it was sinking in. “And Mariah,” he said. “She goes to the potty too.”
Before I knew it, it was Monday morning, and I was hopeful my son had learned a few things, but pretty sure he wasn’t potty trained. At that point, he had only gone successfully on the potty a handful of times — and it definitely wasn’t consistent. All I knew was that going back to diapers (in the daytime) would feel like a huge setback and I didn’t want to do it.
So I got him up, asked him if he wanted to sit on the potty. He said yes, sat down, and got every single drop where it was supposed to be. I packed his backpack for day care with a change of clothes, five pairs of underwear (yes, five) and a package of M&Ms. I reminded him about 40 times in the 10 minute drive to daycare not to pee in the car. Then I walked into the center, crossing my fingers that they’d accept a not-quite potty trained child in underwear and thankfully they did. The teacher said she’d take him to the bathroom often and I kept my fingers crossed. I expected the worst. But he kept his underwear clean and dry all day long — and week long. I never thought it would happen.
Plus, more from The Bump:
Alyson Hannigan’s Craziest Potty Training Moment
The Knot Blog
The Nest Blog
There is no fail-safe, quick plan for potty training that can apply to all children. The fact that this worked for your child is great, but be careful in thinking that just because it worked for you that it will work for others. I did not have an easy potty training time with my child, but it was because I was trying to get him to do it when he was not ready, and I refused to sign him up for preschool setting up a deadline that would just stress him and me out. After adjusting my expectations, I followed his developmental stage and growth, and that is the best advice for parents. I do take major issue with the advice to “Brag about the big kids you know.” The LAST thing I want to do is set up the ‘peer pressure’ struggle as a tool for my parenting. I will not encourage my child to do something just because the big kids are doing it. That one will bite you when your child is a teen. How we parent teaches lessons. I encourage moms to view potty training as a whole-body process: it involves putting clothes on and off, the nerve-brain-bladder connection, fine motor control of zippers, buttons and wiping, and then washing hands. It is much more than just peeing or pooping in the potty.
Not once did she say this is what you must do to potty train your child, this is what will work best, etc… Just an article with some tips for what might work. That is all…
Like you, we potty trained in a weekend. My son was only 26 months, but had shown ample interest in the potty and I knew he would do fine. We went cold turkey from diapers to underwear and never looked back! Lots of accidents indeed, lots of stickers, and yes lots of frustration by all, but I am so happy that we did it. After 3 days, he managed to stay dry all day and had very few accidents at daycare in the next month. Most of his accidents were at home, so my best advice would be to make sure you as a parent are committed even after those first few days. We were diaper free all summer and loving it!!!
Oh and yes, we did tell him that big kids don’t wear diapers. Don’t know if that is considered “peer pressure” but honestly, I don’t see it as pressure, but more as growing up!
Loved the article, thanks! My daughter is only 9 weeks old, but I will definitely be trying some of your tricks!
This is pretty much the exact same process I used with my daughter two years ago when she was 27 mos. we had purchased a potty previously but she wanted nothing to do with it.
I spent four days with her at home intensively training her.
She got one m&m for pee pee and one for poo poo on the potty. I let her eat chips and crackers and introduced her to juice that long weekend. Every time she went on the potty, we cheered. I believe we cheered for a good four months. When she first realized she would get a treat after each successful pee pee, she would dribble it out in 5 minute increments so she could get more candy.
She loved the food, but refused to pee on the potty. She actually resisted so badly she just held it instead of having an accident. I guess her thought was we would give up and give her a diaper. With the ability to hold it for 10 hours straight and intermittently letting a bit dribble out every 5 minutes for more candy we knew she had very good control over herself.
I went back to work and my husband kept up with the consistency and she did great…there were a few hide and go poops, but once she started back at daycare in the fall it was fantastic.
We night trained at the same time as once she had the feeling of not wearing diapers anymore, she refused to keep them on at night as well.
Most kids who were trained early that I know followed the way we did it. It works for most kids. As long as the ADULTS stay consistent. Once a grown-up gets bored and stops being consistent, so will the child.
No negative comments, but there is no negativity in giving your child a bit of peer pressure. Not all peer pressure is bad. It’s up to us as parents to teach them how to discern that for themselves. Your teenager isn’t going to go jump off a bridge with their friends because you shamed them into peeing on the potty. That’s a huge generalization and has no relevance in this situation.
If it wasn’t for peer pressure, my four year old wouldn’t have learned to swim by herself.
If it wasn’t for peer pressure, my son wouldn’t be on the cross country team this year.
Good job training your kid!
It is wonderful that many of you had success using a parent-initiated approach. There are still a few who claim that their child was trained and yet then the comments are made that accidents happened in daycare-that is not fully trained.
I knew from my time teaching and working in child care, that children develop at different rates and that not all 3 year olds SHOULD be potty trained, or even with other 3 year olds all day due to their development. I will NEVER encourage my child to do any activity based upon what other kids are doing. Parenting teaches lessons, and I know they absorb everything that I say and do whether I like it or not.
Yes, as children grow developmentally they can decipher ‘right’ vs. ‘wrong’, but the whole idea that my child should feel like there is something not right with them because they are not doing what other kids their age are doing is ridiculous. I will not use peer pressure to teach my child or in the case here, force him to learn to potty train before his body is ready.
Day care is not developmentally appropriate in many ways and I am glad that I do not have to pay attention to the arbitrary deadlines like being potty trained by 3. People post on blogs to initiate discussion, and disagreeing with someone is not negative, just a differing opinion. The author sharing is great. Many moms have no idea where to start. Best to all of you as you navigate this world of parenting!