Staying Happy as a Stay-at-Home Mom
Photo: Thinkstock / The BumpI recently read about a poll that suggested stay-at-home moms are more likely to be depressed than their working mom counterparts. This was doubly true in SAHMs in lower-income households. This does not surprise me at all. What’s more, I think this situation applies to more women than just those who label themselves SAHMs. After all, aren’t most new moms at home in the beginning, at least as long as our maternity leave lasts?
When I was a new mom, a feeling I remember well was dread at the start of each day. I adored my baby, and I don’t think I suffered from anything more than a normal case of the baby blues. But each morning I would drag my sleep-deprived self out of bed at the last possible minute before my husband left for work and think, “Now what? How am I supposed to fill the day?”
Being at home with a needy, nonverbal person was a huge change from getting dressed and going to an office every day with other grownups. After the novelty of being a new mom wore off, I was lonely at home. And bored. Every day was exactly like the one before, give or take a diaper or two.
At first, I tried to force myself to go out — to mother’s groups, baby yoga, the mall. But this was exhausting, not to mention expensive. I once saw another study about how new moms often rack up credit card debt. No shocker there: shopping is one of the few things you can do while pushing a stroller and not being too far from a bathroom or coffee shop. And it’s easy to shop online during 3 a.m. feedings!
Eventually, I settled into a better routine. I started going to the gym regularly. It was great to be able to drop off the baby at the gym daycare for an hour and take a yoga class and take a shower by myself. Or to just sit on the mats and read magazines. I also joined Stroller Strides, a mom-and-baby exercise class that had social benefits as well as physical. The moms would often hang around after class and chat. Plus, classes were held outdoors in nice weather. Getting out of the house helped a lot, and I realized it didn’t always have to be to the mall or Starbucks or somewhere that cost money. A nearby playground or library is just fine, too.
My advice for new moms who are unhappy at home is to think about what would make you feel better. If you’re craving company, can you invite another SAHM in the neighborhood over for lunch or coffee? If you’re desperate for some solitude, can you swap childcare for a hour or two with a friend or relative? If you just want to get out of the house, is there a kids’ storytime or sing-along at a local library?
I found that having a few things to look forward to each week made a big difference in my happiness. And in my credit card bill.
Did you deal with baby blues? What did you do to help yourself stay happy as a new mom?
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I did not have baby blues at all, but even though I was a teacher and worked in child care prior to having my own children, I did (while my first was an infant) have a lot of time to fill in the days. I just looked at it as an opportunity to feed my interests when my son was napping or occupying himself. I called friends on the phone, chatted via Facebook or through email, started a family website so I could share what it was that I really did do all day and completed craft projects, scrapbooks, etc. I walked every day so my son got outside while I got exercise. Even as an infant I took him outside to play in the grass which allowed me to soak up some vitamin D as well. I know new moms and moms of infants sometimes find it a challenge to figure out ‘what to do with them’, but that is why I now post ideas exactly for these moms to try to help. Honestly, now that I have two kiddos, I am much busier than I ever was with one, and just completing my household tasks each day while playing with and teaching my kids as well is a lot to juggle at times. I don’t have bored moments now, and I certainly would never say that my children are ever boring. I appreciate every day-especially the ‘slow’ days with nothing to do-because I know there are many days that I wish would slow down and be less busy and so many women who wish they could have children and do not. They would love to be bored with a baby in their arms, so I cherish every day whether busy or not.
I am a SAHM of 3 small girls age 2,1, and newborn. I find myself bored or going crazy trying to clean house. My father seems to think I’m depressed. I don’t believe I am either. I just moved to a new city and I don’t have a car so being home is my only option.
Tisha, I know what you mean. It can be daunting to be home. I have found that by focusing on what I do accomplish with my kids or in my home each day helps me feel better about all that I am doing as a SAHM. Maybe that can help. I share motivation with moms on my blog and have received a lot of feedback from moms saying that it helps them realize all that they do all day. It is hard some days to realize that we are teaching our children and giving them so much. I wish you the best and hope that you can find some enjoyment in all that you really are providing your family by staying home. All the best to you!
My husband and I changed career completely in order to adapt to becoming parents allowing us to work essentially from a homebase rather than travelling. This helped share the difficult few months post birth and has allowed us to be very close to our daughter equally during her formative years. But it is still very tough!!! Juggling parenthood and launching a new business is very stressful!
I really hate the assumption that because we are stay at home moms, that we must be depressed. I had to deal with this when I was falsely reported to CPS, they just couldn’t let go of it, even though I had no history of depression, personality disorders, etc and three psychologists confirmed this for them. I just find it very annoying.
Just to clarify, I talked to 3 different psychologists for CPS. The idiots wouldn’t even drop it when I proved the allegations were false.