Why I Hired a Doula
Photo: Veer / The BumpRecently, I came across an article highlighting the differences between how American mothers are treated before and after birthing their children as compared to the treatment of mothers in different cultures. The article was eye-opening in many ways, and a read I recommend to all of you ladies.
While reading about how little support American mothers encounter after having children — and how completely different an experience this is from other cultures — I started thinking about the birthing experience I had with my son. I thought back to those hours, days and weeks before and after the birth, and the support I had. I’m thankful that I did have a strong support group. My husband, my parents (who provided significant support despite being long distance), and my doula.
As a first and second time mother, I firmly believe that having the support of a doula is extremely important. Our doula served as a friend, a sounding board, a support person during labor, a teacher, a caregiver and a wise source of information before and after we brought our son home from the hospital.
Prior to the birth, our doula came to our home for several visits, discussing and understanding our birth plan, so that when my son’s birthday did come, she didn’t have to ask — she already knew. She also spent time teaching my husband and me about parenting topics of interest to us, such as cloth diapering and baby wearing.
During birth, our doula held my hand, applied pressure to my back, brought me hot rice packs and even provided support when my husband became emotional from seeing me in pain and needed a few minutes to collect himself. When I began to push, she was right there at my side, just as my husband was, coaching me through, providing a gentle and calm presence that neither my husband embodied at the time.
After birth, our doula again provided not only support, but presence. She visited our home and was available for breastfeeding and new baby support 24 hours a day. She also offered light housekeeping, meal preparation, and just time to help care for our family. We did not take her up on the latter options, but she did teach my husband several tips, including how to run a postpartum herbal bath for me and the baby. It was a simple gesture that proved immensely comforting — having someone learn how to take care of me.
Sadly, our country does focus the majority of its typical maternity care on the mother before her birth. But this doesn’t have to be a norm that you accept. Whether it be female family members, friends or support persons such as a doula, surrounding yourself with people who know how to care for you after your birth is important in your path as a mother.
What support did you have after your baby’s birth? Would you hire a doula?
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I am pregnant with my first child now and hired a doula as soon as we found out we were expecting. My husband and I both agree it is the best decision we have made thus far. She has been an amazing resource for “normal” and expected questions as well as for our little emergencies, like when I was stung by a wasp! I am shocked that more of my contemporaries have not hired a doula as well. We are due in February and are so happy we have Nikki walking with us through this journey.
I sure love me some Jayne. Keep up the great writing!
As an L&D nurse, a doula can be an amazing support person for a family, unfortunately there is a lot of strife between doulas and hospital staff. Just as I would live to say that the labor nurse should be coaching and supporting and tending to most your needs, I know that that is not the case with every nurse. That being said, when you ate choosing a doula, DO YOUR RESEARCH! This article states some wonderful attributes regarding a doula, make sure those are present! I’ve seen too many doulas that want to take over the birth and be pushy to staff and even the parents! I’ve also seen doulas who sit in the corner and are at thier second or maybe third birth and do nothing! This is where the strife amongst staff and doulas come in, the latter two situations. Just make sure to truly research your doula.
I had my first baby 11 months ago, hundreds of miles away from my family and friends- my support that day was limited to my husband and father. While I appreciate all they did for me, in so many ways it would have been nice to have a doula. After 16 hours, my labor ended in an emergency c-section. I can’t help but wonder if our outcome would have been different if we had hired a doula (and I had given it some thought). I had asked the L&D nurses no less than 3xs if I could get up and walk and my response was always “Let me ask the Dr.” Although I understand there may have been reasons they did not want to take me off the monitors, I would have appreciated a real yes or no answer. My Dr. also gave me pitocin after I had directly told her I did not want it without discussing it with me further. I feel as though these things would not have happened like this if I had had a doula present. In the future, IF I decide to VBAC, I will have to find the $ to hire a doula.
I hired a doula on recommendation from my cousin who said it was the best money she’s ever spent. I am SO glad we went that route. Yes, the hospital staff is there to care for you, but they cannot be by your side throughout the labor. Knowing I had a person there to help me and my husband throughout the entire birth process was immensely reassuring.
Researching the doula and the subsequent learning from her really helped me keep my cool throughout labor & delivery. I still had no idea what to expect, but I was armed with the tools I needed to make decisions about my laboring options. And when I thought that I was at the end of my rope and might not make it, my doula reassured me with her words, laboring techniques and physical support, and I made it through a natural delivery with flying colors. I know much of it had to do with the mental preparation that I did before the birth, and having an experienced, caring doula by my side through my labor and delivery.