I Love My Postbaby Body (Yes, Really)
Photo: Getty / The BumpLast night, after my workout, I forgot to put a shirt on.
For four hours, I walked around our home wearing a Target nursing bra and GAP Body short shorts. I cooked dinner that way, I talked to my friend Amanda for 45 minutes on the phone that way, I watched Californication with my husband that way and I brushed my teeth, swallowed my vitamins and hit the sack that way.
This is a relatively new phenomenon for me. Sure, there have been questionable stretches of time where I showed lots of skin: My freshman year of college, when I ran around my dorm wearing tee shirts barely long enough to cover my butt; my early 20s, when I danced until 4 a.m. in cages at clubs clad in what could barely be described as scraps of fabric; years at the gym where I worked out in just sports bras and bike shorts. But all of those phases occurred during periods of disordered eating or horrible body image issues. I suspect I was acting out in some way, revealing skin in an effort to trick people into thinking I was comfortable with, or even proud of, my figure, at times when I truly was not.
Then I got better and left the ED bullshit behind. I stopped stepping on the scale and forgot to look at the “Calories Burned” readout on the elliptical machine and no longer ordered dishes at restaurants When Harry Met Sally-style .(“I’ll begin with a house salad, but I don’t want the regular dressing. I’ll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce. On the side.”)I was content with my body — not in an over-the-moon, submit-my-pics-to-Playboy kind of way, but I learned to focus on what my body allowed me to do and began to appreciate its strength, its height, its power. During this period of recovery, I dressed more appropriately; I was never mistaken for an Amish woodworker, mind you, but I wasn’t exactly frolicking around the pool in a thong.
Then I had a baby, and everything changed — in a way for which I was totally unprepared. Today, I love my body. Not just in a “Today is October 17th, it’s National Love Your Body Day!” sort of a way. It’s in an, “I want to run around naked because I am obsessed with my boobs and hey, the rest of me looks pretty damn good, too” sort of way. Not only was I not plagued by stretch marks or significant weight gain while carrying Evie, but breastfeeding had some sort of bizarre affect on my metabolism, to the point where I regularly snack on cups of buttercream frosting and order dishes like short ribs and fried calamari when dining out, and it just sort of burns off. Up top, my small-B chest has swollen to a nice C-cup, which I feel perfectly balances out my five-eleven-ness. Last week, during a baby-free Cancun weekend getaway with Dan, I found myself purposefully leaving my cover-up* in our hotel room and not only parading around the pool in my new Victoria’s Secret (Size Large!) bikini top and string bottoms, but attempting to dine at the indoor buffet in non-omelet bar-friendly attire. For the first time in my life, I am truly singing, “I love my body.” And I don’t want to feel ashamed or egotistical for doing so, because I’ve wasted far too many years screaming just the opposite at myself.
But here’s the rub: This body that I love, it’s a false body. As soon as I stop breastfeeding, the boobs will surely deflate and my teenage boy metabolism will probably screech to a halt. No more mid-afternoon noshes of whole jumbo avocados mashed up with garlic salt and slathered on Stacey’s pita chips; no more Dairy Queen runs for extra cookie dough. No more size 27 jeans. No more Victoria’s Secret Size Large bikini tops.
What I hopehopehope happens is that, come weaning time, my enhanced outlook stays with me even as my physique resettles into its old comfort zone. That I still feel comfortable walking around the pool sans cover-up and I don’t feel compelled to revert to ordering side salads squirted with lemon juice. I do believe that simply the act of being a mom to a little girl will have its own protective effects on my body image; she’s already taught me so much about adoring what I see when I look in the mirror.
And maybe – just maybe – one of the reasons I love this amplified chest so much is because of what it represents: That I am growing and nurturing our child. To her, they offer sustenance and comfort. I wonder if perhaps that knowledge is subconsciously coloring my perspective: When I see “36 C” on my bra label, I interpret it as “Size: Nourishing.”**
But for now, as I move towards my goal of nursing for one year, I’m going to keep “forgetting” to get dressed and shovel in as many slices of deep dish as I can. Because the truth is, I’ve taken another page from the When Harry Met Sally playbook: After years of hating it, my thoughts about my bod are now of the “Oh…Oh God…Oh, ohh…Yes, Yes, YES!” variety. And damn, it feels good.
How has your body image changed postbaby?
*But what a cute cover-up it is!
**Please note, this is not me saying that moms who feed their babies formula are in any way less than. Nor am I saying a woman needs big breasts to breastfeed, because she doesn’t.
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While I applaud Leslie’s love of her post-baby body, especially given her history with negative body image, it’s easy to do so when you’re not “plagued by stretch marks or significant weight gain.” I’m still really, really sensitive about my post-baby body (my daughter is now 3 years old), and I was one of the unfortunate ones to be “plagued by stretch marks.” I didn’t experience significant weight gain until I stopped breastfeeding, when my daughter was 19 months old. However it has been hell trying to get those extra pounds off, and the “plague” of stretch marks will be with me for life.
So while I am great YOU feel great about a perfect post-baby belly with no stretch marks or extra pounds and fuller boobs, I found this story to be pretty typically insensitive to those of us who weren’t so fortunate. It’s really easy to say, “YOU TOO should love your post-baby body just like I do!” right after saying that you experienced NONE of the things that many, many moms (including and especially me) feel insecure about. And before anyone else says it, heck yeah I’m a bit jealous of women who didn’t gain any weight and didn’t get any stretch marks. it’s pretty hard not to feel that way. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but I’m tired of women who experienced none of those issues that many women (though of course not all) view as negative post-pregnancy aspects telling women we need to be proud of our bodies. YES we ALL should be proud of our bodies – we gave birth to wonderful, beautiful, miraculous little babies! Our bodies did that! But it’s really easy to say “be proud!” “Flaunt your body!” when you weren’t one of the ones who got stuck with wrinkly ugly permanent marks stretched across your sagging, deflated soccer ball belly. It’s hard to accept encouragement in this area from someone who hasn’t experienced the same things I have.
Very inspirational. We mothers whether breastfeeding or not need to remember that our bodies housed these little people that are now bettering the world and never to be ashamed of that.
I should be loving my postbaby body but I don’t love it all. Everyone says I look great and tells me what a great job I did at losing ALL my baby weight. I’ve lost the weight but there is still excess skin I wish was not there, stretch marks that make me look like a deflated watermelon and larger breasts I wish I didn’t have. And my face being broke out since being pregnant from hormones and still won’t clear up. The stretch marks and the larger and very saggy boobs I could do without. I started with a B cup then went to a D cup and after 7months of breastfeeding I am a saggy, deflated C cup. I’m still breastfeeding and the only time my boobs look good is in the morning when I’m engorged but they are just empty looking bags throughout the day the way my baby girl eats! With all that I do love my body when, I have on a non-tight shirt and some high-rise tight blue jeans, that’s the only time I feel normal but I wouldn’t trade any of it for my precious baby girl who loves me no matter what!
What an uplifting, celebratory post! I recall those large-breasted days! Alas they deflated after breast-feeding ceased. Perhaps that’s why I had 3 children…
My favourite post-baby part? (Note that my youngest baby is now 8 1/2…). My arms! They have carried each child and still are required for daily hugs!
Tasha, thanks for your thoughtful comment. You are correct – if I had experienced significant stretch marks or other upsetting symptoms of pregnancy, I probably would not be writing this article. The irony of the situation is, my husband and I tried to conceive for 2 years; when we finally did, I was blessed with an incredibly easy pregnancy, and I was conscious of that as it happened. But I will point out that this article wasn’t about encouraging other women to love their post-baby bodies: It was about MY experience loving MY post-baby body. Still, your points are valid and I apologize if I appeared insensitive. Happy you have a healthy, gorgeous little girl!
Leslie, no need to apologize – seriously. I’m fully aware that I’m way way too sensitive when it comes to body issues. It’s been a lifelong battle with myself. You have every right to be excited about your fantastic (and long awaited) pregnancy and your post-baby body. I’d be excited, too! I wasn’t trying to rain on your parade and I sincerely apologize for sounding so incensed.
Leslie,
I share your joy in proclaiming that I, too, love my post-baby body. I am PROUD of how I look after carrying 3 kids. I have worked hard to return to my pre-baby weight. I exercise regularly and watch what I eat. That said, even though the number on the scale is the same, I don’t look the same naked. But, I, for the first time ever, don’t care! I appreciate my body and embrace my “flaws” in a way I would have never imagined possible 10 years ago. I may be able to be a stand-in for a woman gracing the pages of National Geographic, but instead of looking at my sagging, deflated breasts with angst, I smile and see how they nourished my boys through their infancy. Having a little.extra skin on my belly is a minute price to pay for being able to feel my boys kick and roll around inside of me. I am more confident now than ever before. Maybe it is because having children allows you to see past just yourself or maybe I have a better understanding of the things that really matter. Whatever the case, I love loving myself. It is a very, very good place to be!
i agree with Tasha. i haven’t even had my baby yet and i am already upset about the stretch marks. i would probably not have any other issues post-baby, but i am not naive enough to think that these stretch marks will not bother me for years to come. it seems very easy to love your post-baby body when you didn’t get stretch marks or extra weight gain and you gained a cup size in your chest. that is good for you, but everyone doesn’t get that lucky.
It’s really wonderful that you love your post baby body
. Congratulations to you and your darling children. However, unfortunately I do agree with Tasha’s post baby statements. Personally before having our son I did not have many (or any?) body image issues. My body was not perfect, but I enjoy working out and have lucky genes so it was fairly trim looking. My mum and Grandmother both had “terrible,” stretch marks, so I suspected it would be in the future for myself. However, secretly I hoped my body was different. That the skin would bounce back. Instead I have grooves a cm thick and a few inches long all around my belly and a diastasis, leaving a large belly pouch. Particularly frustrating is that although I am within ten lbs of my prepregnancy weight
It’s really wonderful that you love your post baby body . Congratulations to you and your darling children. However, unfortunately I do agree with Tasha’s post baby statements. Personally before having our son I did not have many (or any?) body image issues. My body was not perfect, but I enjoy working out and have lucky genes so it was fairly trim looking. My mum and Grandmother both had “terrible,” stretch marks, so I suspected it would be in the future for myself. However, secretly I hoped my body was different. That the skin would bounce back. Instead I have grooves a cm thick and a few inches long all around my belly and a diastasis, leaving a large belly pouch. Particularly frustrating is that although I am within ten lbs of my prepregnancy weight (still breastfeeding and 5 months postpartum) and can feel tight muscles under the skin, its hidden by all the “flab.”. I know it should not matter; I have a supportive husband, and beautiful healthy son, it’s hard not to look at my stomach after a shower and wish I could feel smooth skin again. I suppose after writing this I am more or less just wistful though. Perhaps I just needed to share
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Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people consider worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks