Which Parenting Style Is Best for Baby?
Photo: Veer / The BumpI really feel it would have been so much easier to have and raise a baby in simpler times. Today, it feels like having and raising a baby has become somewhat of a competition or a trendy, popularity contest. That might sound harsh, but hear me out:
Although all the new advances in medicine have been amazing — heck, I wouldn’t have my son right now if it weren’t for ICSI-IVF–but along with all the wonderful advances, many theories, ideas, and rules have been created. Last time I checked, most people survived just fine without all these new theories and rules. There are theories on pregnancy, childbirth, sleep methods, feeding, vaccinating and the list can go on and on. I nannied for a couple different families that both followed some sort of parenting theory and I, truthfully, figured I would as well because I saw what worked and/or what didn’t work. However, every child is different.
Currently, my husband and I do not follow any type of theory whatsoever:
I did not have a birth plan — well, my plan consisted of: ‘yes I want an epidural.’ Other than that, whatever was best for baby and myself is what would happen. I just didn’t really care how I brought our son into the world, as long as it didn’t hurt too badly (yeah, right!).
He is getting vaccinated — regardless of all the debate going on these days.
I did choose to breastfeed, but I was also lucky enough to have a little guy who is a quick learner, and we haven’t had any problems. In fact, he eats so well, he’s the average size of a seven- or eight-month-old at only four month. I hate how some mothers are made to feel like crap if they stop breastfeeding. I am a full-time working mom who pumps at work and feeds him myself when I’m home, but not everyone is able to do that. And, quite frankly, breastfeeding is not for everyone. Truth be told, I would like to stop now, but I won’t. I promised myself before we had our son that I would go for nine months, so five more months to go and I won’t feel bad about stopping.
Despite the recommendation to keep a newborn away from crowds, he was actually out at a graduation party at three-and-a-half weeks old. And he never got sick.
He had his first boat ride at six weeks — it was a pontoon and grandpa was driving extra slow
He only slept in our room for about a month, then it was on to his own room. (And I did not break the ‘no bumper’ rule.)
He started eating rice cereal at four months, against the big belief of waiting until six months. He loves it!
I just read so many forums, message boards, and blogs that mention so many different theories that it makes me wonder sometimes if I’m doing the right thing; if I’m being the best mom I can be. And, honestly, once Connor graced us with his presence, all intentions of following any theories went out the window. We are following the only theory we know best: ours. This may come from the fact that we, essentially, have a very easy baby. Aside from some acid reflux issues in the beginning, he does not fuss or cry much, he eats wonderfully and on a perfect schedule (perfect for my work schedule), sleeps beautifully, and is incredibly happy. All without following a single theory from a single expert. We are first time parents; we don’t know everything and we never will have all the answers, but I do know this, the only theory we’ll follow right now is our own by doing our best by our son to make sure he is brought up safely, comfortably, and happily. And, so far, I think we’re doing a great job.
Do you follow a specific parenting style or method? What parenting choices have you made that have been most important to you?
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My mom took me to the beach about a week after I was born (she had to stay in hospital for some complications until then). I was a happy healthy baby that rarely got sick.
I agree with the idea behaind your post, mostly about it NOT being a competition. But I also feel like too many people say “what’s fine for you is fine for you and what’s fine for me is fine for me” without really doing the research and looking at what evidence based practice says is best. I think it’s a way of making yourself not feel guilty for things you know aren’t best for your child or being too lazy to care. I work as well, have a one year old at home and one on the way. But I find time to look into the decisions I’m making (like circumcision, breastfeeding, vaccinations, discipline, sleeping, eating etc). Now, I might still come to a different conclusion than you, but I’ll know I’m doing all I can to do the very best for my baby.
thank you for this article. I wonder if I am doing things “the right way” but like you threw it all away and did what I felt. Our little guy is just over 3 months now. The only thing we did per the doctors suggestion was we limited his exposure to meeting lots of people for his first month. He came a month early and was quite small – we felt he needed some time to catch up! Other than that I started doing “food bottles” already since he always seems hungry – against doctors typical recommendations. But he is not yet getting how to eat rice cereal so that will wait until he is ready – not at 6 months when suggested.
Anyways, thank you for the reassurance that I am not a rebel!
Thank you, Kim!!! I’m 40 years old (about to turn 41) with my very first child (due in January) and I, too, have been reading & hearing SOOOO many parenting hypothesis & theories that I simply decided to trust THE ONLY ONE who knows best… God. The “right way” for one is & will be so absolutely different for someone else because, not only is a child different, our upbringings vary as well. Some of us had older parents & were born in a totally different country; others come from teen moms… you name it!! As you very well say, as long as your child is happy… follow your own “instincts”, so to speak.
I appreciate Kim’s comment (second comment on this post). I like the heart of this blog post that there is no *one* way, no perfect way to do things. I’m not, however, a fan of just going with what I feel or what works for me, because sometimes those decisions are not in my son’s best interest. I am a provider of mental health care, and often have to work with people whose development suffered because their parents weren’t thoughtful enough about decisions they made. I really support the author’s sense that she is a doing well as a parent and shouldn’t give ground to people making her feel bad if she’s not doing what they think is right. But I wouldn’t throw out the baby with the bathwater; research and theory are the hopeful products of informed people thinking through/testing out important issues, and I’m glad for the opportunity to use them to make informed decisions for myself. For example, my instinct is to not take pills, and I especially wanted to be as medication-free and “pure” as possible during pregnancy, sweating out fevers, etc. I’m really glad I heard the research on the possible link between untreated fevers and autism, and stopped doing it my way.
My twins are now 8 wks old. A boy and a girl. I have had tons of parenting advice given to me and honestly half of it I forget before I use it. It does seem to be a competition about who can be the best mom and have the best child. I reasearch what I can and try to be informed but I’ve found that most of my theories go out the window when it comes down to it. Yes I prop bottles. When you have two screaming babies you do what you have to. I don’t leave them alone and I listen carefully if I have to move out of sight for a few minutes. My babies have also received plain greek yogurt on the tips of their paci’s bc they had thrush really bad and it helped. They watch baby einstiens a couple times a day when I need to cook or clean and they love it. Because of the thrush and a low birth weight of 4lbs and 5lbs they have been fed with bottles from 2 weeks and half the time its breast and half the time its formula. They’ve been out in public since 3 weeks. Everyone has an opinion on what I do. What I finally settled on is that they are happy, growing, eating regularly and they’ve reach the developmental stages that they are supposed to right on time so I must be doing something right.
I agree. Thank you for your article! I’ve had a lot of trouble breastfeeding my son, and it’s so nice to hear from someone that breastfeeds their child, yet doesn’t have some fantasy that everyone should do it or they’re a bad mom. Believe me, I have fought my inner-self when all the negativity comes flowing out. My son is behind developmentally on a couple things, but he’s a wonderful, happy little guy that I know will catch up. Part of this was my insistence on trying to breastfeed him exclusively for a couple days (that was a total nightmare). We as moms absolutely do the best we can, and I know I’m the best mom for my little man, regardless of how many critical jabs I get from my stupid SIL as to why I don’t EBF. I tell you what, if it works for you and baby, to heck with everyone else!! How I know I’m doing the right thing……when my son smiles at me with his little 2-tooth grin and snuggles in when I pick him up. Nothing like it ladies!!