Nanny Murder Case: Keeping Our Children Safe When We’re Away
Photos: LiveJournal.comGuest post by Melissa Chapman
It’s a mother’s unfathomable nightmare. The idea that the person in whose hands you leave your kids could turn around and harm them. It’s a situation every working parent grapples with; finding that perfect combination of love, affection and street smart sense in an individual who will care for your offspring when you can’t care for them yourself. Yesterday the tony Upper West side of Manhattan was rocked over the horrific details which emerged after a mother, Marina Krim, returned to her apartment to find her two kids, Leo, 2, and Lucia, 6, allegedly stabbed to death by their 50-year-old nanny, Yoselyn Ortega. Even typing out this last sentence, my stomach is in knots, at the thought that this mother — who just hours before had written a lovely blog post about her kids and their mundane, yet completely extraordinary milestones and lives — could suffer such a devastating loss.
As a working parent — or as this mom was, a parent who needed an extra set of hands to help with her three young children — how can one process the aftermath of this situation, and the fear that a person you hire to come into your home and protect your most precious of assets, your children, could be capable of such an atrocity? Up until she had her third child, this mother was a stay-at-home mom who cared for her kids exclusively. When she and her husband had chosen to look for childcare, they had been extra careful in hiring their nanny and vetting her, going as far as to spend nine days with her family in the Dominican Republic before inviting her into their home. This family took every precaution to vet the credentials of this woman, so how can a parent ever know what lurks in the heart of her nanny ?
Sure, millions of parents have been leaving their kids in the care of nannies for thousands of years, and this type of tragedy is relatively rare. Even if parents follow all the recommendations for finding a capable and supportive caregiver, is there ever a guarantee that something like this couldn’t happen?
According to Elissa Freeman, whose daughter has been in the care of a nanny since she was two and a half, this tragedy has hit a chord. “So many of us entrust the care of our children to live-in caregivers,” says Freeman. “This is a very unusual and tragic case and not all caregivers should be painted with the same brush. As a mother, I would hope the vetting process on behalf of the agency was sound, as would be my own good judgment.”
Cara Paiuk, an Upper West Side mom who just last year wrote this post about her beloved nanny, says UWS moms are going to be freaking out over this and rightfully so but, they shouldn’t let it change their lives.
“I won’t live in fear,” says Paiuk. “Honestly, I think what happened is an isolated incident. No amount of vetting, or gut instinct, which is what my husband and I used, can ensure the safety of our kids. It’s all a crap shoot and we just do our best. We loved our nanny. She was part of our family. Could I say with 100 percent certainty that she wouldn’t lose her sh*t one day and do something unthinkable? Probably not.”
For most working parents, childcare is not a luxury; it is a necessity. There are no words of comfort for these grieving parents and, as a collective community, we need to look at this tragedy and measure it against our own lives. That every moment spent with our loved ones is a precious gift not to be squandered. And unfortunately, try as we might to protect and guide our children and steer them clear from any and all harm, we simply can’t.
Do you have any advice or thoughts you can share which have helped you find the right caregiver for your kids?
Plus, more from The Bump:
How I Knew My Nanny Was “the One”
How to Know What’s Happening at Day Care
How Is Your Nanny Using Social Media?
The Knot Blog
The Nest Blog
This is a true tragedy. As a former nanny, I can’t comprehend how anyone could harm a child that they’ve been asked to care for. My thoughts are with the Krim family.
When i was bringing up my children we didn’t have day care and no one thought of bringing an outsider into their home. If one parent stays home they would not have these problems plus it is better for the kids. At least you are there giving them the stability they need and hopefully teaching them Morals and Values as they age. Respect and caring. Let them earn not give them all material value. Material Value does not compete with LOVE.
This Mom probably didn’t have a choice but to return to work she has lost her children and your gonna be a troll and basically say it is her fault that her kids died.
At the same time Marina Krim found her children in the apartment, I was celebrating my birthday with my kids (who are about the same ages as Lulu and Leo) and my own nanny. I can’t shake that thought from my head. What happened to those children is beyond explanation. Why? I only hope the family can, at some point, find some solace in the fact that parents in NYC, and everywhere, are grieving with them and Nessie.
This shouldn’t be about working mom versus stay-at-home moms. Some of us really don’t have choice but to work. Plus, don’t think the father of the Yates children would tell you that having a parent caring for his children prevented a horrible tragedy. This isn’t the time to criticize this family’s choice, but instead to support them in their hour of need.
How tragic. I hope she finds peace in her children’s memories with each passing day.
^ @ Ann Marie–that is a cold comment. How dare you judge her for working!
There is really not a good answer for this question because relying on anyone beside yourself to watch your children carry some risk either way. It is your choice if you decide to trust someone with your little ones. The nanny could have been wonderful with the kids, have great references, no background and still snap one day (That’s what happened no?). Still do your homework: strong references, background check, monitored days with the kids…but we are dealing with humans we can’t control. I am really sad the children had to die in such a horrific manner.
I think there would be signs that may have easily been brushed off. I think if we are at all in doubt that we should consider getting new sitters for this type of reason. We parents can never be too careful.
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[...] October, in New York City, little Lulu and Leo Krim were the victims of a trusted nanny who brutally murdered them for no apparent reason. Their [...]