Helping Your Partner Be Dad
Photo: Public Domain Pictures 
My husband and I started out on almost equal footing when our son was born. I had more experience with babies than he had, but not by leaps and bounds. We both became first time parents at the same time. I’ve already shared at how great my husband was in the hospital and in the early days. He truly was amazing.
But soon, my husband went back to work. He was still just as eager to help me and care for his son, but it was different somehow. He wasn’t there all the time like I was. He knew how our day went only because I told him, not because he was right there experiencing it with us like he had before.
I started to know our son better than he did. As my son grew (and even just a few days can make a world of a difference when you’re a newborn!), techniques that used to calm him no longer worked. He changed the way and the amount that he liked to eat. He changed his preferences in how he slept. Babies just do that. The problem was that my husband was limited in his time with our son and he had few hours each day when I had all day.
My husband would get frustrated when he was unable to comfort Finn. Something that he used to be good at no longer came easy to him. So what’d I do? I showed him what usually works for me and then left the house. It was just for an hour or so as I went to lunch. By myself! Each person has to find their way of comforting each baby. What works for one parent might not work for another. What works with one baby might not work with the next. My husband and son just needed to find their way.
Sometimes, the best way that a mom can help is to teach, then get out of the way. I could have just continued to do it all myself, but that wasn’t best for my husband. It wasn’t best for my son either. I had to let Dad be dad. Even if it meant a few more tears and frustrations. If there had been a safety issue or if my husband became too frustrated, he could always call or tell me that he was uncomfortable with me leaving, but that wasn’t the case. He was just a little nervous, that’s all.
My husband was willing to put forth the effort and spend the time to be a great dad. The rewards are huge for all of us!
Did your partner have to “get the hang of” being a dad? Or was he a natural?
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My boyfriend (not the father of my baby, but hes been there since she was 2mos old, and when I was pregnant- I left the country to have my baby in Argentina). When I first came back it seemed that she would fall asleep way better on his chest & belly-I think since it was a lot bigger than mine, and a bit more cushiony.. Nowadays since he leaves sometimes for even as long as a week when we argue or for other reasons im not sure about, every time he tries to put her to sleep she just cries and cries.. he gets easily frustrated and even acts a little bizarre- to me. He’ll just be like fine, you dont want me to hold you? and just either puts her in the crib or drops her off on the bed/couch, wherever. Sometimes he’ll even say-she’ll just fall asleep on her own. Which of course is totally not true- and it only makes her way more fussy and she cries even harder… I feel like that is mistreating her and even a bit shocked that he would do that- as if he has some type of issues for getting frustrated or im not even sure the exact word for it, instead of being patient, understanding, and loving with her. Ive tried to tell him, shes just a baby, just hold her and sing to her, or don’t do something like that (i.e. just leave her on the couch, etc.) Im even sometimes wary of leaving her alone with him because Im afraid that shell start crying, and instead of comforting her, hell just leave her alone crying.. I really dont know what to say or do about it, or even think about it ): I just don’t think its right and he seems to act like there is nothing wrong with doing that and even as if she were capable of knowing what she is doing, as if she would be able to know not to do that, or something like that. He told me that he’d be there for me before I left and when I was in Argentina, and that he wanted to be a family, and he even tries to teach her to call him Daddy. So i feel like he should be responsible of her and even take care of her as if he was her actual Dad. (He’s even said that he wants to get married and have other kids with me). I have a very busy life and struggle financially– and because of everything especially my lil one waking up to feed at night- I have been having lack of sleep practically every day for over a year now, pregnancy insomnia and all, so I really need his help with putting her to sleep or other, but it feels like I always end up doing the most of everything and then he’ll complain when I ask him for help and says either that he does everything or “take care of your baby, it’s your baby”. When he says that I feel like, well then he shouldn’t have told me that he wants to take care of us and even keep trying to teach her to call him daddy as if he actually were, if in the end when I really need help hes just gonna be like well im the actual parent. If anything I could just not be with him and spend the extra time to take care of my baby and do the things I have to take care of instead… He doesn’t even acknowledge how sleep deprived and tired I am, even though Ive explained it to him several times.. Any input/advice? Id greatly appreciate it..