I Adopted My Kids, and I Am Their Real Mother
Photo: Getty Images / The Bump
“What about their real mother?”
This is a question that many adoptive mothers hear on a regular basis when the subject of their child’s adoption is brought up. It’s normally never said in the context of hate or maliciousness, but as an adoptive mother I tend to cringe every time I hear it. Why? Because I am my children’s real mother.
Yes, I did not give birth to my children but that doesn’t make me their “real” Mother. I ponder on this often about what defines a “real” mother? Is it just someone who gives birth to child? Is it blood that bonds us to our children? Or is it love, care and support?
My two older children are both adopted, and my youngest is biological. I often wondered before the birth of my youngest son if I would feel any different if I were to bear my own child. After the birth of Tyler I learned that blood did not connect me to my children, but our love did.
Are you an adopted parent? What comments from other people have offended you?
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As a 40 year old who was adopted two weeks following my birth, my veiw is I have 2 ” real” mothers. Both are “real” but they are different, One mothered me into the world, and the other mothered me throughout the world. Both loved me. My birth mother loved me enough to give me the gift of life. My adoptive mother loved me enough to give me the gift of her sacrificial love….a love so secure in itself and her relationship with me that when the timing was right, she welcomed my birth mother and family into my life. My opinion is that both mothers have every right to feel they are a child`s “real” mother…….and both are ! Both mothers are “real”.
Amen!