Should You Tell People You’re Trying to Conceive?
It can be a trial to be trying to conceive. When my husband and I married, we had decided to wait a year before trying for a munchkin. One year and one month after tying the knot, I was staring at a positive pregnancy test! Since family knew that we were going to wait the year to start trying, we told them right away that we were expecting.
This go around, it hasn’t been nearly as quick. We started trying again right after my son was born and I got the “all clear” from my doctor at my six-week postpartum check up. My son is almost eight months old and I’m not pregnant yet. Obviously (since I blog here — and quite publicly!) many people know that it’s our desire to have more children and to not waste much time. So we get questions every so often on how it’s going.
Many women do keep their “trying to get pregnant” status more quiet than I have. For good reason. It can be annoying to be asked. Sometimes, you can feel like people are looking at you and analyzing body changes: “Is that a baby bump or just a big lunch?” It can be emotionally difficult to say “No baby yet.” Even worse is the people who give you suggestions like “Just have a few too many glasses of wine — that’s what got my girlfriend pregnant!” or “Just relax and it’ll happen!” I would have to say that the worst is when I-hope-they-mean-well people ask “What’s the problem? Don’t ya know what causes a baby?” Like you’re just dying to tell them the intimate details of your personal life…
And if you let people know that you’re trying, it gets even trickier once you know you’re pregnant, but aren’t quite ready to tell everyone. Should you lie? Skirt the truth? I can very easily see why many women don’t tell anyone that they are trying to get pregnant. For me, I haven’t minded the questions. Too much. So far, everyone has been very kind and they haven’t been too nosy. But I’ll be honest — I didn’t expect to be here. I expected to have an eight-month-old and have another well on its way. I didn’t expect to try for longer than a month or two. So, it’s frustrating. But really, I’m embarrassed. The reason it’s embarrassing is because I was just so sure that I wouldn’t be here. Here, with an eight-month-old and no second baby in sight. Embarrassing because I was so sure that it wouldn’t be me that would struggle to get pregnant. Embarrassing because I was just so prideful and self-confident over something that I (apparently) have little control over!
The truth is that I had unrealistic expectations. Maybe I just got lucky with getting pregnant so quickly with my son. Maybe things are still a little ‘off’ since my pregnancy. Maybe things have changed with my body and I’ll need to seek fertility help eventually (it’s still too early for that). The fact is that you just never know how long it will take.
I’m not sure that I’d do anything different though — I don’t regret telling people that we want more children and want them soon. Next time, though, I’ll set expectations better. Expectations with other people, telling them “This could take a while,” but more importantly, expectations with myself!
How did you decide whether or not to tell people that you were trying to get pregnant?
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I kept it to myself – people’s comments, while usually coming from a good place – can be very annoying and awkward to answer!
Awkward is a great way to put it!
We didn’t just because we were worried people would criticize or judge us since we’re in our early twenties. I think I will want to keep it under wraps whenever we try for baby #2.
We were quiet about it because we didn’t want the ridicule for being ”too young” since we’re in our early twenties. I think that when it comes for baby #2 we’ll still keep it under wraps.
My husband and I kept it to ourselves for a while. However, when it became clear to us that our TTC journey was going to be hard (my crazy body, PCOS), we became more open to telling others. For me, being able to share with others that we’re trying has given me encouragement and strength. Mostly because it has been hard for me, and to have family and friends be supportive; it was worth sharing our story. Also, blogging about my TTC journey has definitely helped as well. I have found many supporters via the blogger world and it’s really nice to know that I’m not alone on this journey.
I have yet to meet another Jayme spelt the same! Great article, wish you all the best!!
Thanks! I haven’t met any other “Jayme’s'” either!
I have a 15 month old son who is my world. I very much want another baby, I miss the feeling of him inside me and the comfort of knowing his every move because i could feel it. Now i have to worry what he is doing when not in my direct line of site. That scares me! It scares me even more to have to worry about two of them, but that has yet to overcome my want of a second child. It has however overcome my husband’s want of a second child. So here I am ready to start my 9 month journey all over again but he is not and I don’t know what to do about that. I wont pressure or force him because I do not want to harm our relationship I understand his fears. But that has not gotten rid of my baby fever in the slightest bit. Any suggestions?