How I Knew I Wanted to Quit My Job and Become a Stay-at-Home Mom
Photo: Getty / The Bump“I will ALWAYS want to work full-time! I’ll NEVER stay at home with children!”
Yep. I said that prior to children. And now? I’m eating my words.
Recently, my husband and I made the very significant decision that I would be quitting my job after having baby number two due at the end of December.
This decision came after much thought, postulating, and planning how we would make things work relying on only one income, even with my ability to supplement our income somewhat unreliably with small side-jobs. It came with sacrifice, in many areas. We don’t have cable television, and haven’t for over a year. We don’t buy each other or ourselves expensive gifts. We rarely eat out or go to movies. We buy most of what we own gently used and are very thrifty in what we do have to purchase new. The sacrifices, however, have been completely worth it for our family. To be candid — they really don’t even seem like sacrifices to either myself or my husband.
When I initially returned to work after having my first child, everyone said that it would get easier. The constant worrying about him, the sadness of missing out on what he was doing all day long, the little smiles I wouldn’t see throughout the day — it never got better for me. I found myself wishing I was home even more as he began to grow older, become more interactive, and gain the ability to recognize and verbalize his displeasure that I was gone for so long each day.
On my days off at home, it was easy to recognize that as a family we were all happier. No matter how tough the day could be with my small child at home, I was much happier being at home with him. Whether there were tears, food thrown on the floor, nap strikes, or any other events that make your day extremely tough as a stay at home parent, I always knew in my heart I’d choose the worst day with my son over the best day at work. On the great days at home, I realized that I would never grow tired of reading to my child, playing games with him, teaching him as much as I possibly could. While every mother needs adult time — I didn’t feel like I had to have a daily break from my child to be happy or successful. I completely understand the mothers that do, because some days staying at home with your child or children can be tough. But I just never felt that I needed that.
After six years of university and a master’s degree, I never thought I’d be in this place — but, here we are. I’ve always loved my job. Working in healthcare has been amazing for me, in that I love to help my patients and clients change their lives. My job as a speech pathologist has been extremely rewarding and fulfilling, in many ways. But, for me, it will never be able to make up for what I felt I was missing out on with my child during those times.
I’m extremely lucky to have the opportunity to be at home with my children more frequently than I was previously. I’m so lucky to have a spouse that supports my desires to do so. And I’m so lucky that I know what works for me and I’ve learned my path as a parent.
As mentioned above, as a parent, I’ve learned to never say never.
Because, most times, you end up eating your words.
How did you decide whether to work or to stay home?
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I knew after working in three different day care centers that I wanted to stay home. I just could not fathom being away from my kids that much every day during their most impressionable years and fastest developmentally as well. One of the first things I told my husband when we were still just dating was that I wanted to stay home if we had children and that I was ok with not having kids if we could not afford to make it happen. We had to really have a tight budget for the first 3 years, but it paid off because we really learned what we actually needed and that many perks of two incomes aren’t really going to improve the lives of our children more than they are benefited by me being home with them. It is very challenging some days, and it can go from boring to exhausting in seconds, but knowing that I am the primary caregiver to my children and that I get to teach them every day is pretty thrilling.
I also have my masters degree and never planned on staying home but things change. My husband travels every week for work so I am mommy 24/7 from Monday morning until Friday. It made more sense for me to stay home than to work and take care of my son while my husband is gone. I am lucky that we are older (33 & 35) and well established so we didn’t have to give up much for me to stay home. We do not travel as much but that would be more headache anyway. I am such a social person I was worried about staying home. I love being home with him though. He is 7 months old today and I love every day…maybe not all day but work was the same way. Congrats on your new baby!
Thank you Nikole!
You still work full time, your career is being a stay at home mom now. haha I never considered being a SAHM either until my husband and I got pregnant he asked me if I wanted to work and I answered “yes, at home taking care of my family”. It is one of the most challenging jobs out there, but like you said making little cuts here and there like not having cable aren’t really sacrifices.
Absolutely! Still working full-time, but in a more volunteer position. Great point!
I feel the same way about wanting to be home with my child. I really love being the one teaching him and experiencing so many new things with him. And I never get tired of it either. I rarely hear other moms say they don’t get sick of being home and that they don’t need a daily break, but I know what you mean. I’m so glad I came across this article because, strangely enough, I feel like I’m in the minority among the other moms I know.
I agree! It seems no matter whether a mom works or stays home that they are not 100% content with their choice. It’s unfortunate, but I am like you-totally content with being my child’s first teacher and having the flexibility of my schedule, among other perks.
I decided to stay home for a year when I was pregnant with our second child because I was barely holding on with my first and working. . .We had no idea how we would manage financially — it was scary. Here I am 15 years later….with an 18 year old and a 15 year old and it’s been tough but so worth it. Hang in there.
After my first child, I was going through a divorce and HAD to work so that I could support us. Now that I am remarried and expecting number two, and I am seriously considering being a SAHM or maybe getting a PRN position near home. We are house-hunting and as much as I would love to get a super-huge dream house, I’d rather find a small humble home so I can live my dream life. Any hints on making the switch are welcome and appreciated
Hi Cassie, I admire you for trying to live more modestly to attempt to be a SAHM. Good for you! I am a SAHM and a former teacher. On my website, I have some posts that are motivation for moms particularly those who stay home like me. Maybe some of the posts like http://www.thestay-at-home-momsurvivalguide.com/2011/09/why-is-grass-greener.html can help keep that desire going as you figure out how to step aside from your paying job for the work of a SAHM, or work more part time hours if you need to. I have activities posted as well that I created and use with my own children to help fill up the need for us to be our child’s teacher while we are home with them if they are not yet in school. There are many moms such as you who have gone from working to staying home and are both happy with it and also constantly seeking contentment. Many share on my Facebook page as well. I encourage you to check my site out and see if it will be of value to you. Best wishes as you navigate your options and whether you stay home or not, I wish you much success!
Yay!!! That’s exciting for you and your family — best wishes!
Thank you ladies! I actually am going to keep working PRN, but it is really only to supplement our income at this time. I’m so thankful I have that option, because if we were in a dire place, I’d be able to pick up hours to help my family. However, I mainly will be picking up weekend hours when we don’t have to pay for daycare and it gives my husband his equally needed alone time to bond with our children.
sadly for me it wasn’t really a choice. i went into our marriage with a 1 bedroom condo that i couldn’t sell. then the market got hit bad and i still have that mortgage today- plus we have rent for where we live now. could we have lived in that 1 bedroom condo till baby came? possibly, but it didn’t work out that way. long story short, i had (have) to work. it was never my intention- even with a degree- to work away from home when i had children. but it’s what has happened and it’s actually working out pretty good most days. i’m at a job that allows me to work early enough hours that gives me several hours every single day with my Lovie before bedtime. and she’s awesome with the routine we have. things are going so wonderfully well, if i were able to sell my condo today and not *have* to work, i may still keep the same routine with Lovie going to school every day.
I’m in a similar situation (sorta), I attained my Master’s degree in Architecture (a 7+ year venture) and swore I would never be a stay at home mom. I worked too hard to give up my career. Then I got pregnant earlier this year and it all changed, but I knew I would have to go back to work, financially. I’ve only been back a week and two days and it’s already so difficult. I can’t concentrate on anything work related because I just want to be with my baby. We probably could afford for just my fiance to support us but he’s less keen on the idea. We’ve been together for almost 12 years and have become accustom to a certain lifestyle, one I’m willing to give up but my fiance is more reluctant. We are also in the process of buying a house to get out of our rental. We have family watching our baby so he doesn’t see the urgency of cutting back to one income when we have people who love her watching her. That may be the case but nobody will care for and love our baby like I can. I guess I need to just make a plan to pay off debt (thank you school!) so I can stay home. It’s not that I don’t want to work, I’d just rather be at home and work while taking care of my baby. It’s nice to see your story that it can be done…I’m hopeful my own story will have the same outcome!