When Trying to Conceive Feels Like a Battle You Just Can’t Win
There comes a point in most women’s trying to conceive (TTC) journey where she starts to feel betrayed by her body. At least, I imagine that’s true for most women. I know that many women get pregnant quite easily (I was that way with my first (and so far only) child) and so they might not feel this. But I suspect it is quite common.
In every cycle that doesn’t end in a pregnancy, you’re left with the evidence that you’re not pregnant – either a negative pregnancy test or the start of another period. At first, this didn’t really bother me. But that isn’t really the case anymore.
Things still haven’t returned to normal since my son was born. My cycles post-baby are nothing like my cycles pre-baby. (Making me very happy that I’m charting, otherwise I’d just be sitting here so confused!) It’s like my body has forgotten what it’s like to ovulate at a regularly expected time.
So, you try to do things to take your mind off of it. I read more, I find good things to watch on Netflix; I start projects around the house. But there are hobbies that I have that do remind me that I’m trying to get pregnant (as if I could somehow forget). I blog at The Bump, I join message boards for other like-minded women.
And then there are the things that creep up on me and remind me that I’m not pregnant. A chart that shows no evidence of ovulation, running into pregnant women at the store, seeing friends announce babies on Facebook; the vacations that I know can take since I won’t be at home with a newborn. But I remind myself that I have no idea what any other woman’s journey is like. I don’t know the battles she’s facing. I don’t know the wounds she’s dealing with. I can’t compare myself to other women and their stage of life.
But I’m starting to feel like my body is betraying me.
After all, it isn’t doing what I want it to do. I can only control so much. I can’t force my body to ovulate. I can’t force my cycles to be regular. So as understandable as it is to feel betrayed by my body at times, I try to take a step back and focus on what I can control. I dry my tears and look to the future. Sometimes, it’s the only thing you can do.
How do you handle the disappointment when you’re not getting pregnant?
Plus, more from The Bump:
When Should I Start Worrying About Infertility?
How to Deal When Everyone Else Is Pregnant (and You’re Still Trying)
The Knot Blog
The Nest Blog
I felt the same way when I was TTC with my first and second. I felt like, I did everything right now why won’t my body cooperate? It’s frustrating and sometimes scary to feel out of control of what happens – there’s only so much you can do. But things like charting are so helpful to give you something you can physically do every day – and knowledge is power. Thanks for sharing!
Sorry you aren’t pregnant yet. It CAN take up to a year for normal couples to conceive. Your baby is 9 months old. Post-partum cycles are not in the normal.
Try to remember those that truly suffered from IF. Tell the poor women on Infertility Veterans your sob story…………
Wait, you got pregnant easily the first time and, because you aren’t pregnant within 9 months of having a baby, you know what it’s like to have trouble trying to conceive? I can’t imagine this not offending someone who actually knows the heart ache of infertility. Enjoy your INFANT, your body needs time.
I understand what you are saying because I have been there. It took a little over a year for me to get pregnant with me son. I went through all of the not ovulating and being told there are no signs of ovulation. It is very frustrating, discouraging and upsetting.
You have been blessed with a son and if I remember right he is what….9 months old? Give yourself some time. I wouldn’t call TTC for what…8 months infertility. You have just been giving an amazing son so enjoy him while he is young. =)
Um, you have a healthy 9 month old son. You are not infertile. I realize you want another child, but your “struggle” is seriously not a struggle.
You just had a baby, enjoy him instead of morning what you don’t have. Keep charting and trying for #2, but don’t confuse your body recovering from the hormonal rollercoaster of pregnancy and birth with infertility.
Give me a break….You have a 9 month old baby, and have been agonizing over trying to conceive again? You may need to re-evaluate where your issues truly lie….
For those of you who are giving the lady a hard time… maybe she is voicing something that a lot of other women go through, like myself. The feelings that you go through when you feel like you can’t be like other women. I found it helpful and can completely resonate with it whether she has a child already or not. We are all here together as women, I can’t believe people could be so rude.
I can’t believe you think it’s normal and ok to fret about infertility when you’re nine months postpartum. It may be time to get a grip.
i think the jumping all over people on this site is really unfair. i understand what she;s going through, except we have not had success at trying for our first yet. but i know the pain of seeing your friends be pregnant, of seeing pregnancy or newborn announcements on fb every other day, of seeing women younger than you with 2 or 3 kids at this point, maybe there is a point to saying she needs to relax and enjoy her current situation, sure, but i have been truly saddened by sites and message boards and posts like this where there is simply no compassion. TTC is a journey that does a number on your emotions , and you don’t have complete control. feelings of jealously, heartache and feeling meaningless at times can be overwhelming. i know, i’m dealing with those feelings right now. i don’t think it’;s fair to compare someone who dealt with IF for years and say “you don’t know what she went through”. that may be true, but this struggle is one that many of us share, whether 6 months or 3 years. those who went 3 years know what someone at 6 months is feeling, and i doubt most of them would be so judgmental and say “well come talk to me when you’ve been trying this long.” really unfair ladies, come on now. let’s be adults and be supportive of each other, not tearing each other down when it’s a bond we could be sharing. ttc is emotional in and of itself, we don’t need extra stress from anonymous internet trolls adding to it and making us feel worse.
Bless you for your answer to this woman. People are so quick to pass judgement. We are here to support.