Potty Training My Toddler Made Me Jealous of Other Potty Trained Tots
Photo: Dr. Greene / The Bump
I never really compared Lovie to other children when she was smaller. In hindsight, I think I didn’t compare because I didn’t have to—Lovie was ahead with a lot of milestones. Instead of realizing that’s why I didn’t really compare, I told myself I was just so enamored with finally being a mom that I just enjoyed being a mom and being one to a pretty kick-butt baby girl.
Well, that baby girl is now three. And she’s still very much a kick-butt kid but… she’s not potty trained yet.
And herein lies my current comparisons with other children.
So, why isn’t she potty trained yet?
She’s been in pull-ups for more than six months. She was showing signs of being ready to train (interested in the potty, telling me when she needed a new diaper) when she was 2 years old. Yet here we are, a year later, and she’s still not trained.
Will she sit on the toilet? Yes. Will she pee or poop in the toilet? Yes. She will and she has and she will continue to do so…when she’s taken. She goes potty on the toilet at least once a day, but she’s nowhere near being trained yet. She’s worn undies, but she’s never done so without soiling them. And she’s never, to date, told us or her preschool teachers that she has to go before going.
I’m kind of at a loss.
The other week she even wanted to wear undies to school, so I sent her with five extra pair of clothes. By 10AM (I drop her off at 6:30AM), she was in a pull-up. They’d never seen a child pee so much (two different teachers’ words). They would take her on the potty where she would pee a little and then, minutes later, she’d pee in her pants.
So now what? Do I strap a potty chair to her behind? Do I just let her sit in her soiled underwear? Do I give up and wait another month or two?
We had her 3-year checkup last week and she was an amazing little patient. We really don’t have any issues or concerns with her, but I did ask for advice regarding potty training.
The doctor told us that it was pretty much up to whatever we wanted to do, that there are numerous books and ways to do it. He also said that if she’s resistant at all, that we should back off for a while. He said he had no concern for worry till she was closer to five.
I admit I breathed a huge sigh of relief when he told us this. Maybe now I could stop feeling that pang of jealousy when I hear that some other kid is potty trained?
Later that day when Lovie loaded her pull-up and cleared out the room with the stench… man, why can’t she just go in the potty already?!…I realized that I will still be jealous till this kid is potty trained. I know poop happens, but let’s get it happening on the toilet with the fan on, eh?
Plus, more from The Bump:
5 Wacky Parenting Methods… That Work?
When and How to Start Potty Training
Gear to Make Potty Training Easier
The Knot Blog
The Nest Blog
I understand! My oldest son was just potty-trained! How old is he? He is 4 1/2! Finally, one day, he just had enough and he was pretty much completely potty-trained after only 2 days. (I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been experimenting with it for 2 years!) We had tried everything and nothing seemed to work. From my own new experience, whatever that is worth, it is probably best not to push it. When it comes up (he was holding his bowel movements) address it, but otherwise it just seemed to push him the other way when we would mention it too much. It is frustrating, though! And it makes you question yourself, too!
I’m one of the moms you’re jealous of – I have a potty-trained 20-month-old. I’m not saying this to brag. I really really don’t understand the “advice” doctors (*coughcough* Pampers commercials *cough*) give these days regarding toileting. It’s not a problem until she’s 5?? The poor thing! I think our crazy culture is setting a lot of parents up for failure by making them wait so long, and allowing sentient beings to soil themselves well past toddlerhood. I wish you a lot of luck with Lovie… my friends have had success with “Potty Training in Less Than a Day.” Hang in there!
My child’s pediatrician told me that a child that is old enough to go to the potty and doesn’t maybe has something wrong. She once had a patient that had a problem in her lower back and the signal to go to the bathroom wasn’t working from her desire to go wasn’t reaching her brain so they had to do a procedure to fix her nerves. I’m glad you are relaxed about it, but maybe you should have a second opinion tell you that your baby is ok.
I would disregard the previous 2 posts ha… EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT. Very RARELY will you see a potty trained 20 month old. Some people don’t even try that early! My step daughter just turned 4 at the beginning of January, we have been battling potty training for 2 years now also! Some days have been much better than others lol.She is finally getting into the swing of things. Putting her in pre school has made a huge difference seeing the other kids, I know that might not be an option, and trust me I wish I could keep her home lol, but just hang in there! I wouldn’t be WORRIED. Frustrated, yes haha. But concerned or worried, no! So many people have told me she will do it when she is ready! I believe that 100%. We have made her go in and try every 15 minuts, told her she will get treats at the end of the day if she has no accidents to try to encourage it, we have done everything you can think of. Just be persistent, keep asking every so often and remind them, let them konw its okay to break away from playing to go potty ad then come back and continue playing(thats been our big thing). Good luck! Be patient!!:) and don’t give up!! Neither of you are doing anything wrong, it just takes some time!!
It’s so hard not to get jealous! My son is speech delayed and it is not fun to be around toddlers several months younger than him, who come up to us and are like “Hi! How are you? Wanna play? I like cheese!” and my kid . . . blank stares. And I hear children communicate with their mothers. I would die for communication. Jealousy is hard to avoid, is all I’m saying.
As far as potty-training, I haven’t gotten there yet. And I’m sure you’ve read everything already, but I read an expert say that she is totally opposed to putting undies on the potty-training kiddos. She thinks the feeling of fabric there triggers the peeing in a way. She suggests letting the little girls go in long dresses for a few months with nothing underneath. And that it will be messy at first but they will learn much quicker.
so just let her go in a dress with out any underwear? really! lol
Maybe changing to cloth diapers might help. Cloth is less absorbent and when soiled feels more uncomfortable than the disposables, which are designed to continue feeling dry until they are saturated. When she wets the cloth diapers, she will feel uncomfortable straight away, and then quickly associate peeing in pants with being uncomfortable. That will at least give her more of an incentive to use the potty. Also, if she pees a little very often, maybe she doesn’t like the feeling of holding it in. It may be wise to rule out an infection in that area by getting a urine test for it.
my son is 2 years 7 months and we hav been working on the potty training thing since he first turned two but the last month has been intense… he picks and chooses when he will tell us he has to go…. hes getting much better about going to the bathroom on his own..but on the occasions he tells us, its always after hes already going…. he surprisingly stays dry through the night most of the time… my goal is to have him potty trained by 3 but i’m not pushing the issue…in due time…
My oldest son is 2-1/2 and not yet potty trained. It’s been frustrating for me as well since I get the jealousy bug of how well my friends children are doing. You see it everywhere on social status updates “My son is fully potty trained!” yay great for you. When I was down in the dumps about it I thought about it, children will succeed when they are ready and have a stable environment as well. When we started training, I was pregnant with my 2nd son. We let the training stop for a bit. Tried again. Now baby #2 was welcomed to the world. Hold on the potty again. Just when things got stable again, we were moving. Now it’s been 4 months since we’ve moved, we are going to try again. He likes his potty and the features (standalone potty, disassembled for grown up adapter potty, step stool, wipes compartment and his very own toilet paper holder). Does he use it? Not really unless you consider a potty an excellent clown shoe to walk around the house with. Now my son is more concerned about baby’s diaper. “Momma baby poop.” Then he’ll run and get both himself and the baby a diaper. Maybe the key to his training will be with his brother. You never know. Hang in there, your child will come around. Stop comparing to other kids. I found out many of those ‘trained’ children aren’t even 1/4 fully trained as their parents are boasting.
I have a 4 1/2 yr old who rarely(but will sometimes) tell us when he has to go potty,I ask him every few minutes or just take him with me when I go he is dry all night and loves getting his stickers for clean dry underwear,but he also doesn’t seem to mind having wet undies…and #2 he will hide and have this guilty look on his face,and of course the stink following him….lol…my concern is he starts kindergarten in 6 myths and they will not take him if he not trained,and I get to use the potty but I haven’t even got him started willing his butt yet!!!! He is in daycare two days a WK ,I am hoping that will show him ,what I can’t seem to….