Here It Is: the World’s Worst Toy — Ever!
Photo: Veer / The Bump
As parents of an 11-month-old, our home is bursting with obnoxious toys: there’s Latke Larry, a Jerry Stiller-voiced singing Jewish robot who croons about potato pancakes; then there’s the Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes, a handheld music box that blares out the William Tell Overture on infinite repeat.
But nothing – nothing – makes me want to stab myself in the eyeballs quite like the V-Tech Spin ‘n Learn Top.
According to the manufacturer, the “interactive” Spin ‘n Learn Top “has lots of ways to get baby started learning early,” including animal names, numbers, dancing lights and “silly sounds.” This includes a maniacally giggling dolphin who sounds eerily similar to Jack Nicholson’s Joker character after sucking on some helium, and an 11-year-old hyper-caffeinated girl scream-chanting, “TAKE A SPIN AROUND THE SEA, MAKE NEW FRIENDS, FEEL THE BREEZE!” There appears to be no. volume. control.
I normally love V-Tech’s line of toys so I’ve allowed this bad acid trip of a product to remain under our roof, but yesterday’s latest hallucinatory migraine pushed me over the edge. And so, I will be placing the following ad on Craigslist: ‘Free to a Good Home: World’s Most Annoying Toy.’
The ad will read:
Barely-used, much-despised, nine-inch tall V-Tech Spin ‘n Learn Top available at no cost to a good home. Originally purchased for $15 by a well-meaning grandmother, this multicolored plastic auditory Molotov cocktail features a punch-drunk octopus, a hysterical galloping turtle and a lobster with “Side of Drawn Butter” written all over him. Ideal home is larger than 3,000 square feet to allow ample sound-dispersing room between parent and child; hearing impairment with mutable hearing aid buttons a plus. Please do not contact Seller to complain; she cannot hear you, as her ears have already bled out.
Any takers?
What toys drive you crazy?
Plus, more from The Bump:
The Best Musical Toys for Baby
Hottest Toys for Baby and Toddler
What Baby’s Playing With That Isn’t Safe
The Knot Blog
The Nest Blog
LOL! We have that and my daughter loves it. “LET’S MEET THE SEA ANIMALS!!”
lol thats funny. I bought that for my son for Christmas. It is a bit annoying. He doesn’t really play with it much though.
Oh my goodness! I am with you on this toy!! This one is now in the garage…without batteries. I think the equal tie is the Vtech move and crawl ball…
Yes yes and YES. My mother sent that nuisance to my son last christmas…as in 2011. No amount of tape over the speaker area could dull that annoying POS. The only thing i liked about it was that it made a sound that *kinda* reminded me of the TARDIS from doctor who. I tried breaking the magical spell it had over my son boy parading every other toy he had out in front of him, but to no avail. He LOVED that thing. It has been “disappeared” for a while now. The other annoying toy from grandma: that annoying round vibrating bee thing from Fisher Price which had even less educational value than the spinney sea thing. Gre
*sorry it cut off half my post and posted both versions….feel free to delete this incomplete one.*
Yes yes and YES. My mother sent that nuisance to my son last christmas…as in 2011. No amount of tape over the speaker area could dull that annoying POS. The only thing i liked about it was that it made a sound that *kinda* reminded me of the TARDIS from doctor who. I tried breaking the magical spell it had over my son boy parading every other toy he had out in front of him, but to no avail. He LOVED that thing. It has been “disappeared” for a while now. The other annoying toy from grandma: that annoying round vibrating bee thing from Fisher Price which had even less educational value than the spinney sea thing. Great now the song is stuck in my head, thanks. I think they’re both going in the donation bin now (they work, i can’t in good conscience just get rid of them when some other kid can enjoy it until mommy wants to stab her ear canal until deaf).
Jenn, that’s hysterical that you tried taping over it to dull the noise! Glad I’m not alone in my misery over this thing. Crystal, thankfully my daughter is like your son and doesn’t love it. That would be trouble.
my husband asked me to vow to never ever get that push toy with the balls that pop in the clear dome. he said if i ever got it, he would throw it out the window.
Oh My, I hear you! We got it for Christmas and it drives me crazy! I often turn the sound off.
Frankly I am not a big fan of the v-tech line of toys in general. I hate that the same button will say 3 different things (seemingly randomly). I hate the spastic Annie-wannabe voice. I especially hate the fact that the toy will decide to continue to make noise after my son has wandered off from it. However, my son loves the two we have so I put up with it… Now the vtech bug has developed a tic and will start giggling on repeat until you turn it off.