CircleBumpCheckedFilledMedicalBookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxCheckBoxFilled

Why I Lied to My Baby’s Pediatrician

save article
profile picture of Incredulous Mom
Updated March 2, 2017
Hero Image
Image: Shutterstock

I don’t condone lying. Honesty is always the best policy, right?  Weeeell, I may have been fudging a few things lately… um… to our pediatrician. I know, I know, I’m a terrible mom. Or so I thought — until I talked to other moms who admitted to telling a few little white lies to their pediatricians too. Then I thought, why? Why did I feel that I couldn’t be honest with the one person I’ve elected to care for our child’s medical needs?

I’m as familiar with the conventional wisdom as the next momma when it comes to baby care. I did have the standard nine months to prepare, after all. On top of that, I got all the little baggies full of pamphlets, brochures, samples and free magazine subscriptions from the moment my pee stick said “Yay!” Each little piece of propaganda fit together in an all-encompassing guide on how to take care of an infant. I plowed through them all. I could have recited proper sleep schedules, feeding schedules and techniques by age and rank. The problem?  Baby’s don’t always go by the book.

At our very first appointment, our pediatrician used a lot of the phrase, “He should be […]” and “He needs to be […].” By the time we left, I felt certain I had all the instructions I needed to put this little guy together… er …wait. He was already assembled — I’d already spent nine months doing that. So wait, how long should his nap intervals be?  Black and tar-like. Yeah, that was it. No, that’s poo color. What was the nap thing?  “Hon! Where’d you put those napping instructions?” The point is, I left feeling like I had a set of instructions that had to be followed precisely or the world would surely self-destruct.

Related Video

Fast forward:  Our son, despite our best efforts (honestly!) to have him sleep in the bassinet beside our bed, would not sleep. He just wouldn’t. I’m not talking normal-newborn-waking-up-in-the-night stuff. I’m talking would. not. sleep. After a week or so, we decided to try co-sleeping. It was fabulous (and has been ever since). It was a personal choice, made with careful consideration, and it worked for our family.

What does this have to do with lies and deceit?

Enter lie #1:

Doc: “How is he sleeping?” Me: “Great!  I can’t complain at all.” Doc: “Sleeping through the night? On his back?” Me: “Yep.” (All true so far!) Doc: “Where does he sleep?” Me: [oh, $%#@] “In his bassinet next to the bed.” Doc: “Good, good.”

I knew what the pediatrician wanted to hear, so I just blurted it out like I was playing Catch Phrase after too many glasses of wine. I felt like I had a giant neon “liar” sign blinking from my forehead, but he moved on to feeding.

Doc: “How often is he nursing?” Me: [damn, this test is hard!] “Uh, every hour and a half maybe?” Doc: “Ok, mom you’re spoiling him.  He should be eating every 3-4 hours at three months. He’s a snacker.” Me: “Oh.”

Here’s the thing: By month three, I’d stopped tracking and charting every last feeding, poo color, and nap time down to the second. We’d already had a routine that felt natural and everyone was happy. Besides, I didn’t think you could really “spoil” a 3-month old. At our 6-month appointment, my husband and I were both there. Thankfully the feeding intervals didn’t come up that time, because I was prepared to lie again. Then, the questions started flying before I realized… I’d forgotten to brief my husband on my little ruse.

Doc: “Where is he sleeping.” Husband: “In bed with us.” Me: [Noooooooo!]

There may have been a nervous laugh or two as I sheepishly concurred (red-faced and pit-stained by now) with what my husband had so easily disclosed: the truth. And guess what? The world did not self-destruct. Our pediatrician did not bite me. But I still left questioning my position on co-sleeping, feeding times, and a lot of other things. Then I realized, our way was working just fine. I was getting all in a tither over things that didn’t really need fixing. Medically, our son was actually ahead of the game. The doc had even complimented his advanced motor skills. It was the expectation that was killing me — expectations set by by all the “should be’s” and “need to be’s”. I didn’t want to be scolded or judged, so I lied.

Should I have told the truth from the beginning? Probably. Are expectations placed upon new parents sometimes such that we feel the need to fib? Definitely.

Are you guilty of telling white lies to your doctor?

save article
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

mom and baby at doctor check up
Your Guide to Baby's Checkup Schedule
Medically Reviewed by Dina DiMaggio Walters, MD
doctor talking to mom holding newborn baby during baby's first check up
What Happens During Baby’s First Newborn Checkup?
Medically Reviewed by Lauren Crosby, MD
mother holding 2 month old baby at doctor's appointment
What to Expect at Baby’s 2 Month Checkup
Medically Reviewed by Dina DiMaggio Walters, MD
ADVERTISEMENT
smiling 4 month old baby in diaper
What to Expect at Baby’s 4 Month Checkup
Medically Reviewed by Dina DiMaggio Walters, MD
doctor examining 6 month old baby
What to Expect at Baby’s 6 Month Checkup
Medically Reviewed by Dina DiMaggio Walters, MD
9 month old baby being examined by doctor
What to Expect at Baby’s 9 Month Checkup
Medically Reviewed by Dina DiMaggio Walters, MD
2 year old boy on birthday
What to Know About Your Child's 2 Year Checkup
By Nehal Aggarwal
ADVERTISEMENT
18 month old baby at the doctor for a check up
What to Expect at Your Toddler's 18 Month Checkup
By Nehal Aggarwal
doctor examining 1 year old baby
What to Expect at Your Toddler's 15 Month Checkup
By Nehal Aggarwal
new parents kissing their newborn's hand
4 Things Doctors Aren’t Telling New Moms (But Should)
By Cassie Kreitner
ADVERTISEMENT
babies measured in different percentiles
The Truth About Baby Percentiles
By Rose Walano
dad holding his new baby
Top 11 Questions Parents Ask at Baby’s 2-Month Checkup
By Dina DiMaggio, MD, and Anthony F. Porto, MD, MPH
Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Pediatrician
Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Pediatrician
By Paula Kashtan
ADVERTISEMENT
dad holds baby, who is wearing a t-shirt that says favorite human, in his arms
Top 8 Questions Parents Ask at Baby’s One-Month Checkup
By Dina DiMaggio, MD, and Anthony F. Porto, MD, MPH
new mom holding her newborn close
Top 10 Questions Parents Ask at the Newborn Well Visit
By Dina DiMaggio, MD, and Anthony F. Porto, MD, MPH
clipboard checklists
Checklist: Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Pediatrician
By Paula Kashtan
toddler boy with autism by himself outside
What Every Parent Needs to Know About Autism
By Margarita Bertsos
ADVERTISEMENT
How to Find a Good Pediatrician
How to Find a Good Pediatrician
By Paula Kashtan
When to Take Baby to the ER
When to Take Baby to the ER
By The Bump Editors
Why We Broke Up With Our Baby’s Pediatrician (and Why I’m So Glad We Did)
Why We Broke Up With Our Baby’s Pediatrician (and Why I’m So Glad We Did)
By Danielle Koubaro
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List