CircleBumpCheckedFilledMedicalBookmarkBookmarkTickBookmarkAddCheckBoxCheckBoxFilled

How to Deal When the Mommy Guilt Comes For You

save article
profile picture of Paula Miranda
Updated May 4, 2017
mom holding and kissing toddler who is looking in the distance
Image: Layland Masuda / Getty Images

Mommy and daddy guilt… we’ve all experienced it. Did you ever ask yourself, “Am I making a big mistake?” or, “Am I forgetting anything important?” How about: “Am I being too hard on my child?”, “Will I regret my decisions later?” Yup, we’ve all been there.

Although they might just be toddlers, they will soon be preschoolers, tween, and eventually the dreaded teenager —yikes! How and what is the best recipe for raising the best reflection of all the amazing brilliant characteristics and values you dream your child will one day reflect? And to make it more complicated (and more fun!), just how do you deal with the guilt when you treat one child different from another child? I have read numerous books and spoken with professionals and experts in this capacity. Everything points to the same path: Regardless of what kind of parenting style you choose to approach this great challenge with, parenting starts on day one and so does the guilt!

You were chosen to be the guide and guardian of your children for many reasons. As parents we will not teach our children nearly as much as we will learn from them. Parenting is humbling. Parenting means realizing when to move out of the way and let your child live their purpose, not yours. I looked up the definition of parenting and I found that it is a process. A parent promotes and supports physical, emotional, social and intellectual development. We are supposed to nurture them, show them unconditional love and discipline them in the right way without breaking their spirit.

Yes, you will make mistakes as a parent. Yes, you will forget important messages and experiences you learned the “hard way” to relay to your children along the way. Yes, you will more than likely regret something you have done or said to your child as well. And if you are lucky and nearly perfect , you will only have a couple hundred regrets.

Related Video

My advice? Surrender to the experience of parenting. No child is alike, so no task of parenting will be either. Make the most out of the experiences and predicaments you find yourself in. Stay open in the most complex situation because soon after you will identify the most brilliant and perfect resolution. And if all else fails and your kids have you hemmed up against the walls like on “Supernanny”, just remember to laugh. Rules don’t apply to parenting as much as love does and that is where parents win every time.

No one can ever love more or harder than a parent does.

When the mommy (or daddy) guilt comes for you, how do you handle?

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.

save article
ADVERTISEMENT

Next on Your Reading List

mother holding baby clothes
Why Is Getting Rid of Baby’s Old Clothes So Hard?
By Natalie Gontcharova
chrissy teigen at home with her 4 children
Chrissy Teigen Shares the Hardest Part of Being a Mom of Four
By Wyndi Kappes
tired mom holding baby in nursery
Why Black Moms Face Higher Rates of Burnout (and How to Cope)
By A. Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez
ADVERTISEMENT
mother in deep thought while holding baby
How the Concept of ‘Matrescence’ Can Help You Navigate Parenthood
By Natalie Gontcharova
Michael Vaughn tik tok about reducing mental stress for wife
One Dad's Viral Tips for Reducing Your Partner's Solo Parenting Stress
By Wyndi Kappes
Even America’s Comedy King Jack Black Struggles With Parenting Anxiety
Even America’s Comedy King Jack Black Struggles With Parenting Anxiety
By Wyndi Kappes
mom hugging young child
How to Cope With the Emotional Aftermath of Another School Shooting
By The Bump Editors
ADVERTISEMENT
mother pondering while sitting on bed with baby
What to Know About Postpartum Psychosis
By Nehal Aggarwal
mother cuddling newborn baby
8 Things New Parents Can Do for an Easier Postpartum Period
By Elena Donovan Mauer
exhausted mother playing with toddler
Parental Burnout Is Real—Here’s How to Cope
By Marygrace Taylor
ADVERTISEMENT
mother and baby reading a book on the couch at home
What TikTok’s “Scrunchy Moms” Want You to Know
By Wyndi Kappes
James Van Der Beek attends the 2019 iHeartRadio Music Festival at T-Mobile Arena on September 20, 2019 in Las Vegas, Nevada
James Van Der Beek's Viral Parenting Hack for Roadtripping With Six Kids
By Wyndi Kappes
mother holding sleeping baby on sofa at home
20 Positive Parenting Affirmations to Boost Your Mental Health
By Nehal Aggarwal
ADVERTISEMENT
mother holding and comforting baby at home
What Over 70 Percent of Millennial Moms Aren’t Telling You
By Wyndi Kappes
worried mother holding baby while looking out of the window at home
Why Moms Need to Shift Their Perspective on Asking for Help
By Nehal Aggarwal
annoyed mother sitting at table with toddler
The Truth About Mom Rage and How to Tame Your Inner Anger
By Lauren Barth
mother looking at her baby with the ocean in the background
Adjusting to Motherhood May Take Longer Than You Think (and That’s OK)
By Kylie McConville
ADVERTISEMENT
Allyson Felix Opens Up About Her NICU Journey With Daughter Camryn
Allyson Felix Opens Up About Her NICU Journey With Daughter Camryn
By Nehal Aggarwal
Busy mom entertains her young children at home with a stuffed animal pig.
Mom-Founded Brand Is Setting Up a PTO Fund to Help Moms Take Time Off
By Nehal Aggarwal
dad working from home while his toddler is sitting on his shoulders
How to Ground Yourself for Pandemic Parenting Challenges
By Hunter Clarke-Fields
ADVERTISEMENT
Article removed.
Article removed.
Name added. View Your List