The Top 3 Lies People Told Me About Having a Baby — and One Truth

Photo: Veer / The Bump Photo: Veer / The Bump

The other day a friend mentioned she’d had lunch at a certain café in town. That made me think of the phenomenal sugar cookies they make there, which made me remember that I was eating one when I went into labor with my youngest son. And just like that, I could feel the labor pains again, even four years later! THAT made me think about the lies people tell you about having a baby. :

1. You will forget the pain of labor and childbirth. That’s what the nurses claimed when they were wheeling me and my newborn out to the car and I told them, “You’ll never see me again!” They laughed, “That’s what they all say, but you’ll forget everything before you know it.” Forget about back labor and a faulty epidural? Not a chance.

2. Your boobs will get bigger. To my great disappointment, I have always been more of a Kate Hudson than a Christina Hendricks when it comes to the chest area. “Just wait until you have kids,” my mom always told me, as if that’s any comfort to a 17-year-old anxious to fill out her bikini. Well, for several glorious months while I was pregnant and breastfeeding, I did indeed have an impressive pair. However, my mom neglected to warn me that when I was done nursing, I would also be done with the Blake Lively boobs. Sigh.

3. Having a baby wreaks havoc on your marriage. Everyone warned me that husbands can get jealous of all the attention the baby’s getting. Strong, confident guys can suddenly become needy or withdrawn, irritating or unhelpful after the baby’s born. Thankfully, that was not the case for me. My husband dove into diaper duty and sleepless nights headfirst, with enthusiasm. In some ways, we’ve never been closer than in that newborn haze. That’s not to say I didn’t go ballistic on him when he accidentally unplugged a freezer full of breast milk, though.

As with most things in life, everyone’s experience of new parenthood is different, of course.  Except for this one, undeniable truth I heard from every parent I met:

1. It’s ALL worth it. I couldn’t agree more.

What lies did people tell you about having a baby?

Plus, more from The Bump:

“Holy Crap! I’m a Mom!”

Before I Had Babies, I Never Appreciated…

10 Biggest New-Parent Surprises (and How to Deal)