My husband and I lead a very organized, balanced lifestyle.  Everything has its place in the house. Or so it did…

Four months ago, we welcomed a baby boy into this world and now, our little guy has thrown our whole life balance off-kilter (in the best way possible). We enjoy every minute we have with him and we love him so much, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t gotten extremely frustrated at times. Before baby, our lives had balance; after baby, we know no such balance.

It’s driving me nuts that I have not figured out how to make everything work out as well as before. I know — I know –  that what I want is nearly impossible, but gosh darnit!, a girl can dream.

My husband and I really need to work on dividing out our time better. It would give us both a chance at some alone time. Currently, my husband does almost all of the housework and yard work and because of that, our yard and house are immaculate. I am very grateful that he’s able (and willing) to do it all, but that leaves me with Connor (our son) all of the time. That is fine, of course, but sometimes I just want a little me time. Is that so wrong? My husband has his outlet — he enjoys doing the yard work and it is something he can do on his own, uninterrupted.

Right now, I have no outlet. I have to adjust everything I do to fit Connor into the mix. Working out was my outlet and now I’m only able to do it once or twice, here and there. I want so bad to just go for a run by myself. I’ll get to clear my head, listen to some tunes, and get the rush of adrenaline running gives me. I miss that feeling terribly.

One day, we’ll figure it out…. hopefully soon.

How do you find time for you after baby?

Plus, more from The Bump:

Here’s to Having it All!

10 Things to Do for You in 10 Minutes

New Mom Confessions

I really feel it would have been so much easier to have and raise a baby in simpler times. Today, it feels like having and raising a baby has become somewhat of a competition or a trendy, popularity contest. That might sound harsh, but hear me out:

Although all the new advances in medicine have been amazing — heck, I wouldn’t have my son right now if it weren’t for ICSI-IVF–but along with all the wonderful advances, many theories, ideas, and rules have been created. Last time I checked, most people survived just fine without all these new theories and rules. There are theories on pregnancy, childbirth, sleep methods, feeding, vaccinating and the list can go on and on. I nannied for a couple different families that both followed some sort of parenting theory and I, truthfully, figured I would as well because I saw what worked and/or what didn’t work. However, every child is different.

Currently, my husband and I do not follow any type of theory whatsoever:

I did not have a birth plan — well, my plan consisted of: ‘yes I want an epidural.’ Other than that, whatever was best for baby and myself is what would happen. I just didn’t really care how I brought our son into the world, as long as it didn’t hurt too badly (yeah, right!).

He is getting vaccinated — regardless of all the debate going on these days.

I did choose to breastfeed, but I was also lucky enough to have a little guy who is a quick learner, and we haven’t had any problems. In fact, he eats so well, he’s the average size of a seven- or eight-month-old at only four month. I hate how some mothers are made to feel like crap if they stop breastfeeding. I am a full-time working mom who pumps at work and feeds him myself when I’m home, but not everyone is able to do that. And, quite frankly, breastfeeding is not for everyone. Truth be told, I would like to stop now, but I won’t. I promised myself before we had our son that I would go for nine months, so five more months to go and I won’t feel bad about stopping.

Despite the recommendation to keep a newborn away from crowds, he was actually out at a graduation party at three-and-a-half weeks old. And he never got sick.

He had his first boat ride at six weeks — it was a pontoon and grandpa was driving extra slow

He only slept in our room for about a month, then it was on to his own room. (And I did not break the ‘no bumper’ rule.)

He started eating rice cereal at four months, against the big belief of waiting until six months. He loves it!

I just read so many forums, message boards, and blogs that mention so many different theories that it makes me wonder sometimes if I’m doing the right thing; if I’m being the best mom I can be. And, honestly, once Connor graced us with his presence, all intentions of following any theories went out the window. We are following the only theory we know best: ours. This may come from the fact that we, essentially, have a very easy baby. Aside from some acid reflux issues in the beginning, he does not fuss or cry much, he eats wonderfully and on a perfect schedule (perfect for my work schedule), sleeps beautifully, and is incredibly happy. All without following a single theory from a single expert. We are first time parents; we don’t know everything and we never will have all the answers, but I do know this, the only theory we’ll follow right now is our own by doing our best by our son to make sure he is brought up safely, comfortably, and happily. And, so far, I think we’re doing a great job.

Do you follow a specific parenting style or method? What parenting choices have you made that have been most important to you?

I’m a new mom and I’m experiencing some postpartum depression. There are a few things I think contributed to my developing it. First of all, I’m prone to anxiety and depression and have struggled in the past with social anxiety. While I was pregnant, I had a secret concern that I would wind up with a touch (or more) of postpartum, but I didn’t tell anyone. That wasn’t the best decision. Second is the fact that I had to go on bed rest.

Because I started developing blood pressure issues, my doctor told me I couldn’t work any more — that was three weeks before I’d intended to stop working. It wasn’t strict bed rest — it was more like ‘take it easy and keep your feet up’ bed rest — but if you know me, you’d know that was not a good moment. I don’t like to sit. I don’t like to take it easy. Heck, I can hardly sit through a whole movie! It was a tough three weeks for me.

Finally, my son Connor was born. And I was off work for another six weeks — that’s nine weeks total of sitting at home! In the beginning, we had many visitors, but after a while the visiting slowed a bit. I found myself crying. Sometimes when Connor would cry, we’d both be crying. I’d snap at my husband for no reason. I felt like a bad mom for feeling the way I did — I’d secretly wish someone would come stay with us and pitch in, so I wouldn’t have to deal with anything.

At the time, I knew that I should’ve called my doctor, but I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t happy. I mean, I had this awesome little dude with me — one we’d had through IVF, so I’d wanted him more than anything — and I felt that no one would understand why I couldn’t be happy at that time.

When I went back to work, things got remarkably better for me. I felt useful and productive again. Obviously, being a mom, you’re very much those things, but I just hadn’t felt it while I was at home. Even though I missed my son while I was at work, having some time apart helped remind me how much I cherish all those little things that make him him.

But, on my 30th birthday, I realized I wasn’t completely better. I’d wanted to have a group of friends over for a party in our yard. That’s what we did, and it was perfect. But when the night was over, I wasn’t able to say that I had a blast. I didn’t really enjoy myself at all actually — I’d just gone through the motions. Then I realized I wasn’t finding joy in much of anything. I wasn’t even looking forward to being Matron of Honor at my best friend’s upcoming wedding. Yes, I’d smile and laugh and enjoy seeing Connor learn and experience new things — but that was it. Nothing else.

I had a good cry and told my husband how I was feeling. He made me promise to call my doctor the following Monday — or that he’d do it himself. Calling meant admitting that I wasn’t happy — that wasn’t easy, but I did it. The nurse I spoke to was, of course, totally understanding and not at all judgmental. She talked to my doctor and called in a prescription for Zoloft.

Just knowing that I rose above and called my doctor — and that I have some medicine that can help — makes me feel better already. I want to be the best mom I can be, and it’s impossible to be that if I’m completely miserable. If you’re feeling this way too, you’re not alone. It’s important to get help and to talk to your doctor as soon as possible — even if you think it’s just a small “touch” of depression or the blues. And most importantly, under no circumstances does it mean you’re a bad mom. Hang in there.

Have you struggled with the baby blues or postpartum depression? How did you get through it?

I became an official mom three-and-a-half months ago and, although I only halfway believed people when they said my life will change forever, they were absolutely right. I was a nanny for three years before switching to my current job so I I was very confident in my ability to care for a baby but now that I’m the parent and I can’t give the baby back at 5 p.m., wow, it’s a lot different!

Now that we’ve had help for my son’s reflux and he’s sleeping through the night, I can’t complain too much — he’s an easygoing baby! But there definitely are ups and downs. These are my biggest rants and raves about being a new mom:

Rants

Unwanted advice. Everyone who’s a mother thinks you need to hear how they did things or how you should do things. They even try to tell you the obvious. (Like my sister-in-law telling me to use ‘lots of sunscreen, lots of sunscreen.’ Really? I had no idea I would need to put sunscreen on my blond haired, blue eyed son but thanks for letting me know.)

You don’t accomplish as much as you used to. Everything is on baby time!

Know-it-all comments. Hearing ‘I told ya so’ or ‘Well, welcome to parenthood’ are my least favorite phrases.

The end of enjoying your meals. It’s a blessing when you get to have a peaceful dinner with just you and your spouse. Our first one in a while was last night actually!

Strain on your relationship with your spouse. It will get tested so many times in such a short period.

The learning curve. It takes forever to figure out how to balance caring for your child, housework, and relaxing. Still don’t have this down but working on it.

Breastfeeding logistics. Although breastfeeding is great (I am exclusively breastfeeding right now), you’re tied to your baby constantly. Making sure you have enough milk frozen for times when you won’t be available really wears on you if you aren’t a huge milk producer (two thumbs pointing at this gal!).

Raves

The first time baby smiles at you. And every time they smile when you walk in the house from work.

Baby’s giggles.

How all that testing actually makes you and your partner closer. If you make it through all this, I think your relationship will end up stronger than it was before you had your baby (hopefully).

Dressing baby in cute clothes. Super fun!

Watching baby grow and learn new things.

Hearing baby babble. Our little guy just started really, really “talking” up a storm this week and we just laugh and laugh at him.

And more smiles. When you’re nursing them and they just stop for a second and smile at you. Talk about melting your heart.

Don’t get me wrong — having a baby is such a huge blessing and we are so thrilled to be parents. We had to go through IVF, so we are well aware how fortunate we are to have him.  But it is definitely the hardest thing we’ve ever done. I think everyone has to find a balance and a schedule that works for you, your spouse, but most of all, baby. Once we get there (I think we’re almost there), I’d like to think it’s a little smoother sailing. Fingers crossed!

What did you struggle with most as a new mom? What did you love most?