After becoming a mom this past September, I was unpleasantly startled to find that there is a lot of drama out there in the world of moms. Whether it is between the boob or the bottle, bed-sharing or cry-it-out, the battles go on and on. It’s exhausting. Can we even coexist amidst all of the opinions, research supported decisions, and varying parenting choices?

At first my response was no, we cannot coexist. I must find like-minded women to surround myself with. I was in a panic to befriend women who thought and viewed parenting in the same ways that I did. I thought that this was going to be the best and possibly the only way to approach mommy friendships. Guess what? I was wrong.

While there is extreme value in having like-minded friends to support you, it is also essential that we learn how to relate and navigate with others who have different approaches and perspectives. Why do we have to learn to do this? In all honesty, we do not have a choice. Whether we like it or not (and we probably don’t), we are going to come in contact with parents who approach parenting differently. We cannot control what others may say to us but we can control how we chose to react.

React With Confidence

I didn’t notice how insecure I was as a mom until my son was given a helmet to treat plagiocephaly. Honestly, I felt a lot of guilt and shame that his head had a funny shape. I felt like it was my fault. I also feared that people would judge me, or worse, judge my beautiful baby because he looked different.

After working through those feelings I realized that I was choosing a perspective that fueled feelings of guilt and shame over one that fueled confidence. So you know what I decided? I decided that I am a friggin’ awesome mom. I am the best mom for my son. I have chosen to stand with pride when I do what is right for my family whether it is a medical decision or any other choice we intentionally make. And in that same vein: You are the best thing your kid has going for them. What you decide works for your family, maybe not your neighbors or that other mom at church, but when it comes to your family, you rock.

We need to remember that every family’s needs vary which causes them to choose different ways of caring for their children. When you put life into that perspective it makes relating to other moms a bit easier and once you decide you are an awesome mom, no one can take that away from you.

React With Grace

Once we come to terms with the fact that people parent differently because each family is different, life gets a lot simpler. However, there will always be something that rubs you the wrong way. I have decided to approach these situations with grace (or at least give it my best effort). If a mom says something that I am super offended by a couple of times in regards to a parenting choice I’ve made, I have decided to brush it off. If there is repeated incidences of this, I have decided to have a quick chat with her, let her know that it rubbed me the wrong way and that I hope we can approach the topic differently next time. Letting your confidence show by letting the small stuff go and standing up when things are really out of line can keep your friendships going strong without suffering through uncomfortable comments that can feed into the “Mommy Wars.”

Keep Your Mind Open

I grapple a lot with keeping my mind open as a parent especially after spending hours pouring over literature and research to make a decision. Then pops in another mom who has decided to do the exact opposite of what I have decided on! All of my instincts tell me to shout, “NO! You are making the wrong decision,” but honestly, she is probably thinking the same thing about me. Rather than looking at the situation as a right or wrong thing, we can learn from each other. This doesn’t mean that one of you has to change your decision, but you might get the chance to learn something about the other side of things that you never knew. You also might gain more respect for that mama, too. Odds are she didn’t make that decision thinking that it was going to negatively impact her child and neither did you.

The other side to open-mindedness is remembering that there isn’t always a “choice” in some matters. This one comes into play a lot with the breastfeeding vs. formula battle (or stay at home mom vs. working mom). People have their opinions on what is “right”, but sometimes it wasn’t a choice for that mom. Sometimes we are forced to make choices as a parent, and we definitely need grace and open minds when it comes to that.

How do you maintain your “mom” friendships despite the differences?

Plus, more from The Bump:

7 Secrets All Mamas Need to Survive the Mommy Bullies

Here’s to Having it All: Balance Your Mom Life and Career

The Truth About Mommy Wars

Being a mom. There is a lot of change that comes along with becoming a mom but there are some parts of it that are simply great. I’ve got to admit that there are a lot of (unexpected) things that “being a mom” has helped me out with. Not that being a mom should be used as an excuse on purpose, but let’s be honest — sometimes it is the best excuse. Whether its intended or not, let’s enjoy the perks of it while they are there.

Here’s some that I thought of:

1. You all of a sudden have a great excuse to look a bit ragged. Another plus — if you even look semi-presentable, people always comment on how great you look for having a little one to care for. Score!

2. You can  sneak out of those pesky friend and family events. Whoops, baby has an early bedtime!” to jet out of a place sooner. Am I right or am I right?

3. You finally have something to bond over with that super cool mom that you see at various social events. Nothing beats having another mom give you that “I totally understand” look from across the room.

4. Your house is a mess and guess what? Everyone suddenly understands. Another bonus? The more charitable folk might even lend a hand and fold that mile-high laundry pile when they stop over to chat (I LOVE those people!).

5. Being late is okay. Somehow, being late looks a little better when you are carrying a baby and are being followed by a toddler. It’s a lot harder to stay annoyed when a wobbly, little kid shoots their mischievous smile at you.

6. Wait, what was I just doing? Did you just space out a bit at work? I bet your colleagues are a bit more understanding when they know you were up all night with a teething baby than if you’d been knocking them back at the local brewery.

7. Staying in is the new going out.  That whole “going out” scene got really old after college (like, the day I graduated) but since having a baby it is much more kosher to have a laid back evening spent with my husband and turn on the DVR. Kudos if you can make it through the first 15 minutes of the show!

8. It’s acceptable to go to bed at 8 p.m. — or earlier. You can finally go to bed early (of course, only if the little ones will first) and not feel socially awkward! You’ve got to get your sleep when you can.

9. You can finally give yourself a break. You’ve got a lot of responsibility on your plate, but somehow being a mom has finally given me the excuse to let some of the little things go. About time, huh?

10. What’s for dinner? Leftovers! Simpler meals or even eating leftovers is now the new norm. Hip, hip, hooray! Before baby, I really craved variety every night when it came to meals. Nowadays, anything that is ready in a few minutes seems gourmet to me!

What things have you found that “being a mom” has given you an excuse for?

Plus, more from The Bump:

3 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Kids

Before I Had Babies, I Never Appreciated…

5 Surprising Things I Miss Now That I’m a Mom

Breastfeeding my son was something that I was so excited to do while I was pregnant. I read everything that I could get my hands on to prepare myself, listened intently during my Lamaze class, and prayed for an easy transition into it. The hours of reading and praying were very helpful, but now that I am five months into breastfeeding, I realize that there was one critical component missing from all of the literature: the dad.

I’d like to say that breastfeeding would still be as successful as it has been for our family if it was just me doing it, but without my husband, I know things would have been tough.

Here’s how he helped make it work for me:

My husband was open to learning and listening.

When we got pregnant last fall, I expressed to my husband that I really wanted to breastfeed our son. Initially, I do not think either of us had any inkling as to how much time we would invest in breastfeeding in the near future. However, he jumped on board and we began learning about it. We both listened intently during our Lamaze classes as we went over different nursing positions, understanding baby’s feeding cues, and proper latching. He listened to me ramble about whatever I had most recently read, and would talk to me about possible challenges that could lie ahead. Having someone who I could bounce my excitement and fears off of was critical for me. Especially since I am a talker and a thinker (and I’m sure you can relate).

He is my #1 encourager.

My breastfeeding relationship started off without a hitch with my son, something that we are very thankful for. Then I got a severe case of mastitis. It was horrible. I was in the hospital, in and out of doctor’s offices, and ended up on an antibiotic that was not breastfeeding friendly. Throughout this two-month struggle, he kept encouraging me that it would soon pass and we could go back to normal. He helped wash and assemble my pump when I had to pump/dump for nearly three weeks and he comforted me when I would crumble at the frustration of it all. After recovering and looking back on that time period, I know he played a huge part in maintaining my milk supply through my illness. He helped remind me how much I wanted this for our family when I just wanted to give up.

He is thankful and shows it.

Breastfeeding has its benefits (for us) beyond the medical realm, and there are a few things that I know he is thankful for. It is very convenient to have food ready for your little one at will call. It’s the right temperature and you do not have to prepare a bottle. We have so much respect for parents who use bottles (and formula) after having to use them regularly when I was sick. It is a lot of work. We have also saved a lot of money by breastfeeding, and not having to purchase formula, which has been a huge help to this frugal family. I also get up throughout the night to feed our little man, who still wakes up for a quick meal two to three times a night. All of these things he has shown gratitude for and to be honest, I really appreciate the recognition. Even the littlest things are helpful, like grabbing me a glass of water while I am nursing! Let’s face it. Breastfeeding is tough work.

He love my boobs. Duh.

Last, but definitely not least, my husband loves my boobs! I worried a bit about how breastfeeding would affect the attractiveness of my breasts to my husband, but you know what he said? He told me he loves it because he gets to see them ALL THE TIME! That hadn’t even occurred to me! I guess we both win when he helps me with breastfeeding, huh?

How has your partner supported you throughout the journey of feeding your baby?

Plus, more from The Bump:

11 Things You Didn’t Know About Breastfeeding

Top 10 Breastfeeding Tips for New Moms

Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed

As a first time mom living in west Michigan, safe driving has been on the top of my mind this winter season. Each morning when I wake up I look out my window and think, “Gosh, I wonder what the roads are like today.” Driving during the winter months used to be a bit stressful, but adding a newborn baby into the mix really amped up the stress levels.

To help all of us out, here are five winter driving tips to keep you and baby safe in the snowy, rainy and cold weather (especially since there’s a Nor’easter poised to smack the northeast this weekend)!

Check the Road Conditions

Sometimes I am so determined to get errands done that I do not even consider how safe the roads might be — and it’s a terrible mindset! Over this past weekend, I headed out on an errand only to turn around and go right back home. Icy and snowy roads are not always worth the risk. If the errand can wait, let it. Stay inside, and cuddle up with that cute baby of yours. And if you’re really not sure about when it’s safe/unsafe to venture out, use this winter driving tips as a helpful guide.

Take Your Time

With baby in tow (and maybe a few more kids), it is nearly impossible to get anywhere with time to spare. During the winter months, make sure to leave tons of extra time when traveling. Also, decide ahead of time that it is okay to be late if it means keeping your family safe.

Get a Car “Check Up”

One sure fire way to keep everyone safe while driving this winter is to make sure your vehicle is in tip top shape. Have a check up done on the following items: battery, tires, antifreeze levels, and whatever else is recommended by your mechanic. Once your vehicle is in optimal shape, add a few supply items and create your “survival kit”. Items like a flashlight, ice scraper, first aid kit, blankets and maybe even some non-perishable foods are great ideas and easy to store in the trunk, glove compartment or backseat.

Keep Baby Warm — But Don’t Overdo It

Naturally, one of our instinctual desires is to stay as warm as possible in the winter. As a mom, you want to keep your little ones from getting too cold, too. A few steps you can take to keep baby warm while traveling include: using blanks over the car seat, dressing baby in multiple light weight layers, and storing the car seat in a warm place. Try to stay away from dressing your baby in a heavy snowsuit or thick apparel because this prevents the car seat from working and fitting properly. By simply adding the blanket over top the the fitted harness, you can keep baby safe and warm. Adding an extra layer (we use a long sleeve onesie and a t-shirt) can help keep baby warm without the bulk!

Visit a Car Seat Safety Check

When my husband and I were expecting our son, we decided to attend a car seat safety class. As first time parents we had no idea what we were doing with a car seat. It was astonishing to learn how many car seats are misused everyday! Luckily, they had certified instructors who not only gave us the ins and outs of car seat, but they also showed us how to install it in our actual car. Another perk? The class was free! No reason not to do it.

Any other safe driving tips to add? How do you stay safe on the roads?

Plus, more from The Bump:

What to Know About Car Seat Safety

You Know You’re a Mom When…

Driving With Baby — All the Safety Tips You Need for Every Age!

Looking for a fun way to get the kids involved this Valentine’s day? Check out this curated group of crafts from around the web!

Which craft do you love?

Plus, more from The Bump:

Cutest Valentine’s Day Crafts for Toddlers

How to Make Valentine’s Day Decorations

Valentine’s Day Crafts for Your Little Tots

One thing that I did not expect from motherhood was how quickly our little babies change, grow, and develop. Everyone tells you to cherish every moment because it goes by so fast but until I had a child of my own I never fully understood.

Being a mom requires you to adjust constantly.

In the three months since my son was born I have been astonished at how rapidly he develops. It seems that every time I get used to a milestone I have to let it go as it is replaced by something new. Part of me wants him to stay a newborn forever so that I can cuddle and smooch him whenever I want. Another part of me thrives alongside him as he is learning to roll over, sit up, and to communicate.

This paradox is one that I think will follow us moms throughout our entire lives.  Right when you are adjusted to your current situation, there is a new change. Luckily, there is some balance once you learn to expect this cycle. As something old fades away, something new and exciting replaces the gap that was left.

I’m learning that adjusting and letting go isn’t always terrible if it means that something else right around the corner.

What things have you had a hard time adjusting to with your little one?

Plus, more from The Bump:

Babies by the Numbers

25 Reasons Babies Rock!

10 Signs Your Baby Likes You

Do you melt when you see your partner interact with baby? I know I do. One of the most rejuvenating and touching things is to watch my husband spend time with our son. My husband is patient, playful, and attentive (maybe I am biased but I think he is pretty great). Sometimes I even sneak outside the doorway just to listen to them make noises at each other. It is precious!

As the mom in the picture, I feel a bit of a responsibility to help my husband bond well with our son since he spends most of his time with me. Knowing that, I know their time together is precious and important for establishing a relationship.

Here are a few ways we do this at our house:

Get dad involved at feeding times

Since I am breastfeeding our son, it is not often that my husband gets to do the actual feedings. Especially since I use breastfeeding as one of my bonding times with our son after work (he drinks pumped milk at daycare).  Does that mean dad can’t be a part of feedings? Absolutely not! My husband does most of the burping and we usually end up in hysterics as spit up flies all over.  Not only does our son get to be close to dad, but it is now a little family ritual that we all do together.

Let dad and baby cuddle it up!

Evening times with a newborn can be a bit chaotic while trying to juggle feedings, diaper changes, laundry, dinner, and even just saying hi to your significant other. One thing that I have found helpful is to let dad and baby have their cuddle time.  Sometimes I will just look and my husband and say, ‘why don’t you go lay on the couch with Asa.’ This frees up my hands to get some much-needed housework done quickly and encourages them to have some quality bonding time together. Everyone wins!

Make bath time a family event

Have you come to love bath time with your baby? Our son loves being in the warm water and getting a baby massage. We have found that we have more fun (and it is easier) making bath time happen as a family. My husband is in charge of the body washing, and I wash his hair. Some of our best memories so far have involved bath time, and it has been great watching dad develop his confidence while holding our slippery, squirmy son.

Have dad become part of your established morning routine

Morning routines look different in every household (read more about our’s here!). Dad’s job is to get baby ready for the day by changing his diaper and getting him dressed.  Then, they hang out for a few minutes while I finish throwing myself together.  Those early morning moments really mean a lot to my husband and are a great boost of baby time before heading to work. This might not work exactly the same way for your schedule, but be creative! I bet there are ways that you can combine a needed routine with quality bonding!

Let dad and baby develop their own thing

As a mom (or woman?), I sometimes desire to have control over everything. Can you relate at all? However, one of the best things for my husband and I is when I just let him do his own thing with baby. Whether that means some quality tummy time, reading a book, or looking at the Christmas tree,  I am learning that they find great things to do together and enjoy it much more when I am hands off.

What does dad and baby bonding look like in your life?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How I Knew I Wanted to Quit My Job and Become a Stay-at-Home Mom

Your Baby Will Learn Better by Doing What?!

The Best Advice for New Moms (That’s Hardest to Follow!)

How did you save money on your nursery?

Let me share a funny story.  A few weeks ago, my husband, baby boy, and I were traveling to see family across the state.  My son was still nursing every two hours or so (still is!) and we were looking at a three-hour car drive ahead of us.  Without getting into too many details, my right breast became very full and the only solution was to hand express some of my milk in to a semi-empty diet soda cup. I made it very clear to my husband that he should not drink from that cup since it was now a lovely concoction of breast milk and watered-down soda. He was naturally willing to oblige this request. A few minutes later I decided to give my sister a call and while chatting away I casually reached over and took a big gulp out of my diet soda cup! My husband made a hilarious face and I shouted as we both realized what I had just done! I had successfully had my first taste of breast milk. I have got to be honest with you, it really wasn’t that bad. More than anything we gained a funny story to look back on (check out more of our funny stories here)!

In some ways I feel as if our life is now much more entertaining with a baby around than it ever was before.  Nearly everything has had some sort of baby bodily fluid on it. Our little guy produces man-sized farts like a professional, and he shamelessly grunts (you know what grunts I am talking about) no matter where we are. It’s a riot. These are the moments that I want to remember forever (even though in the moment I might think otherwise).

What funny parenting moments have happened to you since bringing baby home?

Have you looked around your house lately and thought, “Where did all of this baby stuff come from?” Well, here’s great news. Some of your little one’s stuff will work for you, too! Check out how to use these products for you and your baby.

Baby powder. Baby powder might become your next best friend. Traditionally, baby powder has been used to keep baby’s bum and skin in good shape, but in truth, the possibilities are endless. Sprinkle some on your scalp on a non-shower day to absorb the oils and you’ll be amazed at how clean your hair feels. Dust it over recently applied makeup to set it and keep your face looking fresh all day. Shake some into a smelly shoe and help eliminate odors. You’ll be amazed at the endless uses of this baby product!

Lanolin. Are you a breastfeeding mama? Lanolin is not only great aid for every breastfeeding woman, it can also aid your beauty routines in more ways than one. Use it on chapped lips, rough cuticles, or apply it to your hair like a pomade. It also works great as an overall moisturizer and can be used to target the driest areas: elbows, knees and heels. Want another easy use? Use lanolin to soften and waterproof your leather boots or your little guy’s baseball mitt. Who knew this was such a versatile product?

Baby oil. Baby oil is great at keeping baby moisturized and soft. What can it do for mom? Simply dab a cotton swab in baby oil and use it as an eye makeup remover. Bonus: it will even take off waterproof mascara! Do you have a home project your working on that involves paint? Keep you baby oil handy because it can help remove those annoying bits of paint that you can never get off of your hands. One last use that might top all the other ones: massage oil. Use this baby product as a way to reconnect with your significant other after a long day of hard work.

Your Baby. Okay, this is not a product, but your baby can do great things for you! It can be really difficult finding time to make it to the gym with little ones running around. Grab your baby or toddler and do some arm exercises. Lift them up and down, in circles, and side to side. You will have toned your arms while getting in some quality bonding time. Add in some squats and tone up your legs, too. You’re most likely going to be holding them anyways, so why not make a workout of it?

Baby wipes. Think that baby wipes are just for baby? Think again! Baby wipes can be used to take off makeup, help remove hair dye, or even those annoying deodorant stains left on your black shirt. Use them around the house to wipe down walls, spills on furniture, or to clean up a pair of white sneakers. Rumor has it that baby wipes can even take crayon off walls!

Have you found any baby products that have other great uses?