Early morning on a school day. Standing outside in my sweats and slippers with my 3-year-old while my newborn finally – FINALLY – slept peacefully inside. Delirious from sleep deprivation and paralyzed with indecision.

I needed my son to go to preschool so that I could get a few hours of precious sleep. But I could not – WOULD not – risk waking the baby. His school was barely a five-minute drive away. I could almost see it from our front yard. Could I zip over, drop him off, and get back before the baby woke up? I was seriously considering it. But with my luck, that would be the day I locked myself out or got stuck in traffic or forgot to turn off the stove.

Sleep deprivation can lead to bad, bad decisions.

Fortunately, I was saved from making a stupid mistake by my neighbor. At that moment, she drove by on the way to take her own kids to school. She took one look at my disheveled appearance and red eyes and offered to take my son to school in her extra car seat. I was so grateful I cried. Some more.

Like a lot of moms I know, I have a hard time asking for help. Sometimes even admitting I need help. “No thanks, I got it!” I might say, while carrying a baby, a diaper bag, and five bags of groceries, one in my teeth. “Oh, no. I could never ask you to do that,” I might reply to a friend who offers to watch the kids so I can run to a doctor’s appointment solo. I don’t want to inconvenience anyone. People are busy. They have their own stuff to deal with.

What changed my mind was being on the other side of the equation. A friend asked ME for help. Not only was I happy to do it, but it made me feel good. Useful. Needed. Connected. And I didn’t feel so bad asking her for help the next time I needed it. It was a win-win.

Of course, you must be mindful of boundaries. Lending someone a cup of milk or giving a kid an occasional ride to school is one thing. Being a chump who provides free childcare for the whole neighborhood is another. But most moms I know have a pretty good nose for freeloaders and drama queens. We don’t have time for that stuff.

But when it comes to asking for help and accepting it, the pluses far outweigh the potential minuses, if you ask me. Think about that the next time you’re contemplating waking up a (finally!) sleeping baby.

How do you ask for help?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How to Trust Baby’s Caregiver

Survival Tips for Baby’s First Weeks

Get the Help You Need When Baby Comes Home

My husband and I have a date coming up this weekend and it will be the first time that our son has had a babysitter. Kind of. While I work, my sister babysits and all the other times we’ve had a babysitter it’s been a family member who has watched him at their house. This will be the first time we’ll have a “they come to your house, get the rundown on your child, you leave and they stay with your child until you get back” scenario.  The babysitter is a good friend of mine, so I don’t have any concerns there, but this is still a big step for me. As a first-time mom, I’ve started to prepare for the hand off.

There are things that I want to tell her.  Things like: he likes to be held with you cradling him over your arm while he is on his tummy.  He can pull himself up by holding onto chairs or the couch, but he gets scared when he doesn’t know how to sit back down.  He likes his back to be rubbed in circles just so.  He likes Cheerios, but also likes to hit the high chair tray causing them to fly everywhere.  He likes the blue blanket when he sleeps, but just from the knees on down.  If he lets you hold him and rock him, then he’s probably really tired.

I want to tell her that he’s fascinated by flashlights.  He’s figured out that when I push buttons on the microwave, it will turn on in a few seconds – he waits for it and smiles.  And his little plastic balls?  He likes the one with the puppy in it the best.  He doesn’t particularly like to lay still long enough for a diaper change, so you’ll have a mini wrestling match on your hands.  He doesn’t take a sippy cup yet, but loves to “drink” water from a spoon.  And he makes the cutest little “mm…mm…mm” sound when he eats something that he really likes.

But I probably won’t tell her much of that. The things I want to tell her aren’t exactly the tools she’ll need for spending the evening with my son. Sure, they’ll play together, and when he cries for certain things, she’ll figure out what he’s asking for and how to help him. But the things I want to tell her — the things that only a mom and a dad know about their beautiful child — those are the things I’ll struggle to keep back.

Instead, I’ll focus on the things that I need to tell her.  Things like how to contact us, where we’ll be, other emergency contact numbers, what time he goes to bed, feeding instructions, bedtime routines and how the TV remote works.

That’s the difference between a parent and a babysitter.  A mom gets to know all things.  A babysitter just knows what she needs to know.  And while I’m so grateful for good babysitters, I’m very happy being the mom.

What do you tell your babysitter about your child?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How to Find a Great Babysitter (and What to Pay Them!)

How to Find the Best Nanny for Your Family

Tips for Leaving Your Kids With a Babysitter