I’m in kind of a weird place right now and I think it’s a place all moms find themselves at some point. A huge majority of the women that I know and are friends with are stay-at-home moms (especially those with young children). But since I work outside of the home, I’m surrounded by many working moms and these women are more work-friends than anything. At times, it feels like two different worlds.

So, outside of the office, when I meet another working mom, I start to feel an immediate kinship with her. There’s a momentary thought that pops into my head that says “Here’s another mom just like me!”

But all moms are not created equal. After all, you can’t classify women into two groups: those who work and those who stay-at-home. That’s way too simplistic. Because, to be honest, many moms want to work. And many stay-at-home moms like being stay-at-home moms. Some working moms would rather be stay-at-home moms, and some stay-at-home moms would rather be working moms. There aren’t just two types of moms anymore.

Some moms work outside the home because of desire to work, some work strictly because of financial considerations like salary or medical insurance, and some work because of obligations to a family run business. Some moms are stay-at-home moms because of choice; they simply want to. Some stay-at-home due to family situations (maybe an ill child or a military lifestyle). Some moms stay at home to avoid the cost of daycare.

The danger in pre-judging a woman on her occupational status is two-fold. First, you could write off a friend simply because they have a different working situation than you. What a shame that would be! Stay-at-home moms and working moms can be great friends! Working Wanda and Stay-At-Home Sally can forge a wonderful friendship even if both are content in their situations.  And even if Wanda would rather stay-at-home and Sally would rather work.

Secondly, the needs of a family change and you might not always be in the situation you’re in. A woman who works today might not work outside the home tomorrow. Likewise a stay-at-home mom might enter the work force in the future. Having friends who have been there, done that before can be a great asset as your life changes.

I’ll admit though, there is a part of me that has a little spark of hope when I meet another working mom. (Maybe that has more to do with the fact that I personally don’t know too many.) I just have to keep in mind that it might be that the only thing that I have in common with her is our working status. In the whole grand scheme of things, that probably isn’t enough to build a friendship on. Likewise, when I meet a stay-at-home mom, we might be a great friendship fit. I try to keep an open mind! I like having friends from different backgrounds; career is just one of them.

What’s the easiest way for you to find friends?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How I Knew I Wanted to Quit My Job and Become a Stay-at-Home Mom

What It’s Really Like to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

How to Win When It Comes to ‘Mommy Wars’

Did you wait till the last minute to do your Christmas shopping? Are you racking your brain for what to get that hard-to-buy-for person who has everything? Not sure your tot needs yet another toy? Well, have I got the gift guide for you! Here’s my list of thoughtful gifts for your loved ones. Bonus: they’re all free! It’s my Christmas gift to you. You’re welcome.

For moms:

Privacy. If a working lock for the bathroom door is not feasible, give her the gift of letting her do her business solo without talking to her through the door. Imagine, an entire shower without someone coming in to ask where the red sippy cup is or flushing the toilet and scalding you. Or getting to do your hair and makeup on the same day!

For dads:

Space. Let him watch the whole game without interrupting to talk about the color of the baby’s poop or the state of your 401k. Allow him to drink his coffee before asking him if he remembered to put out the recycling and what you should get his mom for her birthday. Don’t hand him a crying baby and a whiny toddler before he’s even fully in the door from work. At least let him turn off the car engine first.

For grandparents:

Satisfaction. As in, give them the satisfaction of thinking you are taking their advice – or at least considering it. When they say, “We used to put you kids in playpens” or “Give the baby a bottle of water when he cries at night” or “Don’t give in to those temper tantrums; show her who’s boss,” just smile and nod. Bonus points for throwing in a “Why didn’t I think of that?”

For babies:

Access. Every parent knows babies don’t want to play with those boring old educational toys. So let them have your germy keys, the metal pots and pans, and the dog’s filthy chew-toy. They’ll be in heaven, and you’ll be on standby with the Purell and Advil (for you).

For toddlers & preschoolers:

Independence. Imagine an entire day where your child gets to make all his own decisions. The striped shirt with the plaid shorts and Elmo rain boots? Why not! Waffles and M&Ms for breakfast? Sure! A four-hour Dora marathon? Go nuts! What’s the worst that could happen? Cavities? Public ridicule? A nuclear meltdown? You’ll live. Of course, my kids have been known to ask to drive the car, play in traffic, and drink Red Bull, so you’ll have to draw the line somewhere.

Here’s wishing you and yours a happy, stress-free holiday!