My husband and I have a date coming up this weekend and it will be the first time that our son has had a babysitter. Kind of. While I work, my sister babysits and all the other times we’ve had a babysitter it’s been a family member who has watched him at their house. This will be the first time we’ll have a “they come to your house, get the rundown on your child, you leave and they stay with your child until you get back” scenario.  The babysitter is a good friend of mine, so I don’t have any concerns there, but this is still a big step for me. As a first-time mom, I’ve started to prepare for the hand off.

There are things that I want to tell her.  Things like: he likes to be held with you cradling him over your arm while he is on his tummy.  He can pull himself up by holding onto chairs or the couch, but he gets scared when he doesn’t know how to sit back down.  He likes his back to be rubbed in circles just so.  He likes Cheerios, but also likes to hit the high chair tray causing them to fly everywhere.  He likes the blue blanket when he sleeps, but just from the knees on down.  If he lets you hold him and rock him, then he’s probably really tired.

I want to tell her that he’s fascinated by flashlights.  He’s figured out that when I push buttons on the microwave, it will turn on in a few seconds – he waits for it and smiles.  And his little plastic balls?  He likes the one with the puppy in it the best.  He doesn’t particularly like to lay still long enough for a diaper change, so you’ll have a mini wrestling match on your hands.  He doesn’t take a sippy cup yet, but loves to “drink” water from a spoon.  And he makes the cutest little “mm…mm…mm” sound when he eats something that he really likes.

But I probably won’t tell her much of that. The things I want to tell her aren’t exactly the tools she’ll need for spending the evening with my son. Sure, they’ll play together, and when he cries for certain things, she’ll figure out what he’s asking for and how to help him. But the things I want to tell her — the things that only a mom and a dad know about their beautiful child — those are the things I’ll struggle to keep back.

Instead, I’ll focus on the things that I need to tell her.  Things like how to contact us, where we’ll be, other emergency contact numbers, what time he goes to bed, feeding instructions, bedtime routines and how the TV remote works.

That’s the difference between a parent and a babysitter.  A mom gets to know all things.  A babysitter just knows what she needs to know.  And while I’m so grateful for good babysitters, I’m very happy being the mom.

What do you tell your babysitter about your child?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How to Find a Great Babysitter (and What to Pay Them!)

How to Find the Best Nanny for Your Family

Tips for Leaving Your Kids With a Babysitter

It’s the holidays! Which means (for me) lots of cookies, time away from work, visiting family and some big meals. It also means making a holiday gift shopping list for the friends and family and neighbors in my life. This year, though, there’s someone special that I want to be sure to thank: my son’s caregiver!

In many areas of the country, it’s customary to give your day care provider a special thank you at the holiday time. After all, this is someone who your child spends significant time with. This is someone who has a big impact in your child’s lives.

This Christmas, I’m no exception (even though my sister is the one who watches my son and, as my sister, she’ll already be getting a Christmas present from me!). The way I see it, there are several great things you could give someone to say thank you. Here are some of my favorite ideas:

Something just for them
Many women have trouble finding time for themself. Why not give her an excuse to pamper herself? Find out what she really likes and let her indulge! Maybe a gift certificate to a spa for a pedicure or manicure? Maybe she’d enjoy tickets to the movies? There could also be a special jewelry item that she’d enjoy. This could be especially meaningful if your day care provider is another mom or a friend that you know well.

Something for the day care
If you have an in-home day care provider, who’s just starting out, maybe she’d really enjoy something that helps her get established. Professional stationery perhaps? Or maybe games and toys that the children would enjoy? Or does she need shelves to help organize the games she has? Listen to see if she’s dropped hints or given a clue on things she’s considering adding to her space. If you have an in-home daycare provider, it’s possible that another family or two would want to join together to get a bigger gift like a zoo or museum pass.

Something to eat
Many times, people don’t want more stuff! They have all the toys they need. They have their environment all set up. And if you don’t know them very well, it might be hard to think of a special outing that they’d enjoy. So how about something that they can eat? Ideas in this category include: gift certificates to restaurant, a freezer meal from your personal kitchen, pizza delivered to her house, or a place that delivers some wonderful treats (like Omaha Steaks, Edible Arrangements or Harry and David). This can be a great option for moms that are busy — just a few clicks on the internet and your gift can be on its way! If your child is in a day care center, you might be able to join in with a couple of other families and have breakfast or lunch brought in for the staff. Maybe bagels and cream cheese, pizza or sub sandwiches would be a bright spot in their day.

No matter what you do, it’s a good time of year to say thank you! If nothing else, a heartfelt card telling them that you appreciate them (and why!) would be much appreciated!

How are you planning to show appreciation for your day care provider or nanny?

Guest post by Melissa Chapman

It’s a mother’s unfathomable nightmare. The idea that the person in whose hands you leave your kids could turn around and harm them. It’s a situation every working parent grapples with; finding that perfect combination of love, affection and street smart sense in an individual who will care for your offspring when you can’t care for them yourself. Yesterday the tony Upper West side of Manhattan was rocked over the horrific details which emerged after a mother, Marina Krim, returned to her apartment to find her two kids, Leo, 2, and Lucia, 6, allegedly stabbed to death by their 50-year-old nanny, Yoselyn Ortega. Even typing out this last sentence, my stomach is in knots, at the thought that this mother — who just hours before had written a lovely blog post about her kids and their mundane, yet completely extraordinary milestones and lives — could suffer such a devastating loss.

As a working parent — or as this mom was, a parent who needed an extra set of hands to help with her three young children — how can one process the aftermath of this situation, and the fear that a person you hire to come into your home and protect your most precious of assets, your children, could be capable of such an atrocity? Up until she had her third child, this mother was a stay-at-home mom who cared for her kids exclusively. When she and her husband had  chosen to look for childcare, they had been extra careful in hiring their nanny and vetting her, going as far as to spend nine days with her family in the Dominican Republic before inviting her into their home. This family took every precaution to vet the credentials of this woman, so how can a parent ever know what lurks in the heart of her nanny ?

Sure, millions of parents have been leaving their kids in the care of nannies for thousands of years, and this type of tragedy is relatively rare. Even if parents follow all the recommendations for finding a capable and supportive caregiver, is there ever a guarantee that something like this couldn’t happen?

According to Elissa Freeman, whose daughter has been in the care of a nanny since she was two and a half, this tragedy has hit a chord.  “So many of us entrust the care of our children to live-in caregivers,” says Freeman. “This is a very unusual and tragic case and not all caregivers should be painted with the same brush. As a mother, I would hope the vetting process on behalf of the agency was sound, as would be my own good judgment.”

Cara Paiuk, an Upper West Side mom who just last year wrote this post about her beloved nanny, says UWS moms are going to be freaking out over this and rightfully so but, they shouldn’t let it change their lives.

“I won’t live in fear,” says Paiuk. “Honestly, I think what happened is an isolated incident. No amount of vetting, or gut instinct, which is what my husband and I used, can ensure the safety of our kids. It’s all a crap shoot and we just do our best. We loved our nanny. She was part of our family. Could I say with 100 percent certainty that she wouldn’t lose her sh*t one day and do something unthinkable? Probably not.”

For most working parents, childcare is not a luxury; it is a necessity. There are no words of comfort for these grieving parents and, as a collective community, we need to look at this tragedy and measure it against our own lives. That every moment spent with our loved ones is a precious gift not to be squandered. And unfortunately, try as we might to protect and guide our children and steer them clear from any and all harm, we simply can’t.

Do you have any advice or thoughts you can share which have helped you find the right caregiver for your kids?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How I Knew My Nanny Was “the One”

How to Know What’s Happening at Day Care

How Is Your Nanny Using Social Media?

Sure, you occasionally daydream about the monetary benefits of being a Beverly Hills housewife, but have you ever considered the personal lives of the nannies who care for their kids? In what’s sure to be our newest guilty pleasure, ABC Family recently premiered Beverly Hills Nannies — a reality show chronicling the perks of being a permanent babysitter — and the newest episode airs tonight.

The (unscripted?) series attempts to unveil the lives of high-paid nannies in California’s most prestigious zip code. And if you thought your professional life was tough, you won’t believe what’s in the job description for these caretakers.

We’ll be following the antics of Justin Sylvester — a self-proclaimed “Ladysitter.” Justin does everything from organizing breast milk to massaging feet. He also has a hilarious knack for reinterpreting well-known nursery rhymes (our favorite is “The Itsy Bitsy Chihuahua”).

Check out Beverly Hills Nannies Wednesday nights at 9/8 central and discuss with us!

What are your thoughts on the new show? Do you have any hilarious nanny or babysitter stories?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How I Knew My Nanny Was The One

How To Find a Good Nanny

Should Parents Be Anti-Daycare?

Over at our sister site The Blush, blogger Katie Hellmuth-Martin wrote an interesting post about how she never thought she’d send her daughter to day care, but gradually got over her fear and found that she loves having her daughter to what she calls “baby school.” Check out her take here.

What do you think — do you love daycare or hate it? Do you prefer a nanny or babysitter to day care or the other way around?

Plus more from The Bump:

How to Find a Great Day Care

How to Find a Great Nanny

Differences Between a Nanny and Daycare