I know a lot of dads that feel nervous, anxious about holding, feeding and bonding with baby during those first few months together. I was one of those dads, too. I wanted to make sure I did everything right, but to be honest, it was terrifying. Spending that special time with one another, though, is so important and you’ll be so glad you did it. So before (and after!) baby makes his debut, here are a few ways you can get comfortable with your little guy:

1. Get talking! While the baby is still in the womb, start talking to him or her. Whenever you have the chance, talk to the baby because it is the sound of your voice, more so than what you are saying, that is important.

2. Fake it ’til you make it… literally. Before baby comes, practice holding an infant. Maybe it’s your niece or nephew or maybe you’re just holding a sack of blankets in your arms. Get comfortable with it! And when baby does finally arrive, hold him a lot. Any chance you have to hold the baby, take it. If mom is done breastfeeding, if the baby is waking up in the middle of the night, if you just came home from work, take your baby in your arms. It’s your time together.  The more time you spend wrapped up in each other, the more baby will learn your hold a and feel your confidence.

3. Ask to change baby’s diaper. Seriously, dads — ask! It may not be the most pleasant smelling experience, but it’s another opportunity to spend time with baby.

4. Pay attention and you’ll be surprised how quickly baby pays attention to you! Your child will watch you and learn from you from the day they are born to the end of their lives, so just imagine that you are the star of your own reality TV show, and everything you do is being broadcast in high definition to your new baby. Pretty cool, huh? Some of my favorite moments with my children came between the ages of 18 months and 3 years!

5. Laugh together. I cannot even begin to tell you how much fun this is. Finally, someone to laugh at every joke you make regardless of whether or not it’s actually funny! It’s one of the most magical parenting experiences to hear your baby laugh for the very first time.

The bottom line is: get engaged with your children and babies from day one. There’s plenty to do! Enjoy every phase, moment and experience. You’ll be so glad you did!

How did your partner bond with baby?

Plus, more from The Bump:

Secret Thoughts of a Newbie Dad

Best Dad and Baby Photos Ever

10 Things All New Dads Should Know

“There is an art to being a daddy, just as there is to being a husband, sometimes they are the same, and other times they must be treated completely separate.”

When you find out your wife is pregnant it’s time to kick it into high gear and start learning the balance between being the daddy and the husband; I call it “trutina,” which is Latin for balance.

I want to lay it all out for all of you expectant daddies: What do you need to know, and how can you keep the balance during the process of pregnancy and beyond?

Although the first day you discover your wife is pregnant, she may not look any different to you, I can guarantee you her hormones are already starting to run on overdrive, and internally, her body is changing at an alarming pace, so be patient as she will likely feel very different, and as her husband it’s your duty to experience all of these new things right by her side.

Make sure to remind yourself at all times to be engaged and to listen; do not be pre-occupied: put down the cell phone, the iPod, the newspaper, and realize that even though you feel the same, your wife will be undergoing dramatic changes. She will experience simultaneous emotions of fear, happiness, sadness, and security. Do not be surprised if she starts talking about savings accounts, life insurance, living wills, etc. Your job, as husband and expectant daddy, is to just jump right in, and help get the ball rolling on each of these tasks. I suggest making lists and figuring out how you can accomplish something off the list every single day. Nine months may seem like a long time now, but trust me when I say it’ll go by in a blink of the eye.

If this is your first child, then you need to understand the “fear of the unknown” can sometimes be overwhelming. There are so many logistics to take into consideration, such as: Where will the baby sleep? Is the house clean enough? Do we have enough money? Should we move? What about college?  These thoughts are all good and healthy, and it is your job as the husband, to help step in and put the thoughts in order and begin addressing them with your wife to the best of your ability. Every concern is important and deserves thoughtful consideration from both you and your wife.

Remember the old saying, “A happy wife is a happy life”? Well during the next nine months, this saying is exponential. If she has a concern, show her you care immediately by addressing that concern however possible.

If I were to give husbands and expectant daddies everywhere a single piece of advice it would be to take everything one day at a time. There are sure to be difficult days as well as wonderful days. It takes time to transition from husband to daddy, and you’re going to have to learn the balance there in-between. Enjoy all of the special and unique experiences that come with pregnancy, and  with a bit of hard work everything is sure to fall into place — just be confident.

What advice would you give to an expectant dad?

My husband and I started out on almost equal footing when our son was born. I had more experience with babies than he had, but not by leaps and bounds. We both became first time parents at the same time.  I’ve already shared at how great my husband was in the hospital and in the early days. He truly was amazing.

But soon, my husband went back to work. He was still just as eager to help me and care for his son, but it was different somehow. He wasn’t there all the time like I was. He knew how our day went only because I told him, not because he was right there experiencing it with us like he had before.

I started to know our son better than he did. As my son grew (and even just a few days can make a world of a difference when you’re a newborn!), techniques that used to calm him no longer worked. He changed the way and the amount that he liked to eat. He changed his preferences in how he slept. Babies just do that. The problem was that my husband was limited in his time with our son and he had few hours each day when I had all day.

My husband would get frustrated when he was unable to comfort Finn. Something that he used to be good at no longer came easy to him. So what’d I do? I showed him what usually works for me and then left the house. It was just for an hour or so as I went to lunch. By myself!  Each person has to find their way of comforting each baby. What works for one parent might not work for another. What works with one baby might not work with the next. My husband and son just needed to find their way.

Sometimes, the best way that a mom can help is to teach, then get out of the way. I could have just continued to do it all myself, but that wasn’t best for my husband. It wasn’t best for my son either. I had to let Dad be dad. Even if it meant a few more tears and frustrations. If there had been a safety issue or if my husband became too frustrated, he could always call or tell me that he was uncomfortable with me leaving, but that wasn’t the case. He was just a little nervous, that’s all.

My husband was willing to put forth the effort and spend the time to be a great dad. The rewards are huge for all of us!

Did your partner have to “get the hang of” being a dad? Or was he a natural?

Everyone knows the bond between a mother and her baby is intense, a bond of pure love and necessity. Many times new papas can feel left out of the bonding experience, creating tension in the relationship and leading to feelings of inadequacy. You can’t make breast milk on demand, but there are other ways you can be involved with your bundle of joy. Papa glow extends Beyond dirty diapers and late night feedings when mama is catching up on zzz.

Here are 7 ways you can feel more involved and increase your paternal satisfaction — and glow like mama does.

Skin to skin -  The baby is happiest when connecting skin-to-skin with mama or papa. His temperature, heart, and breathing rates will be more consistent, and his blood sugar more stable. It also allows the baby to get familiar with your scent and your heartbeat becomes a soothing beat for the little one. Spend time bonding, lounge around in your boxers and let the baby rest on your chest while you’re watching TV (just be sure it’s not the playoffs — you don’t want to startle the baby!).

Play games - Make silly faces, play peek-a-boo, sing songs, for your baby. Set aside regular time for baby, whether it’s after work or in the morning. Appoint a special time that’s just for you and the little one, so as the baby grows, this special bonding time becomes part of the daily routine.

Glow time - Glow time is an important concept that I introduce through my book, Mama Glow: A Hip Guide to Your Fabulous Abundant Pregnancy. It’s all about taking personal time to lavish yourself and shine! While mama is taking some alone time to shine and do what she loves, you can have glow time with your baby. This could be a bath time ritual where you shut off phones and dim the lights and enjoy a nice soak with your baby, or baby massage using a nice jojoba oil or calendula baby cream to rub your little one with soothing hands- relaxing the baby and preparing for bedtime so you and mama can have some glow time of your own. Or hit the streets a nice walk outside or a mild hike with the baby in a carrier, babies love the stimulation of being outside in the comfort of your arms.

Take charge - Mama may like things done a certain way and may even school you on how to handle certain tasks when it comes to baby like how to warm a bottle, change a diaper, comfort your baby, etc. But you will develop your own way of doing these things. Rather than let mama step in and “correct you” and show you repeatedly how to do it her way, just keep practicing and you will learn your own technique and shortcuts for newborn care. Communicating that you are fine with handling the baby and taking the initiative without having to be asked is always great too. It gives you more one-on-one time with the baby too.

Slay your checklists - Mama will have a list of things that need to get done and feel overwhelmed at the thought of trying to get through the list. Ask her to delegate some of those tasks to you so you can complete them. Men like to “fix” things and get things done, be productive, etc. When you are able to satisfy her needs and help reduce her stress load by checking off some of her to-do-list she will be thrilled- and when mama is happy everyone is happy. This also satisfies your desire to feel needed, believe me, she needs and wants you around, although she may be madly in love with a new man who’s 7 pounds 11 ounces and 20 inches long.

Keep it movin’ - Babies are used to movement because of moms’ hips moving when they were still in the womb. They feel soothed by movement and grow to have fun with it as well. Whether you’re doing baby bench presses with your infant, or daddy dance party getting your baby to giggle while you’re moving him around is great. Movement also helps increase the baby’s muscle tone, and trains the baby’s proprioceptors — his sense of self in relation to space.

Find papa posse - Find other cool papas who share a similar philosophy, have kids the same age or just provide a listening ear. You may just need to bond with other men who are going through what you are. Having a sense of community and knowing that you are not alone is key. Being a new father can be an isolating experience but certainly doesn’t have to be.

Whether you are a new papa or a veteran in the baby game, it’s always good to learn some new tips to sharpen your skills, build your confidence, and boost your bond with your baby.

In the weeks, months, and years after you have a child, your needs as a parent and as a person will change. Most times, parents are showered with support before and immediately after the birth of your child. When those days and weeks pass and the initial throng of visitors tapers off, you may be left in a different situation than you envisioned.

I personally envisioned my family and friends being not only extremely close but also extremely helpful when I pictured the first months and years of my child’s life.

However, things don’t always turn out the way you’d hope.

There are many, many mothers and fathers that are so lucky in having an extensive network of family and friends present for support at the drop of a hat. My husband and I do not.

When we made the choice to live a significant distance away from our family and friends, a price we paid was the lack of support system. Couple that with pre-existing medical conditions that barred some of our closest family from being as physically present as they’d like to be, and my husband and I were basically on an island with our child.

If you find yourself in this situation after your child is born, here are a few tips that helped our little family to get through.

If your significant other is involved in your baby’s life, learn to rely on each other. Part of being a wife- for me, in this transition, has been to learn how to give my husband rest, breaks, time away… but also to ask for it in return.

It is also extremely important not to dwell on the lack of support. If you spend your time thinking of how little help you have, when it does come around, you’re not going to be thankful for those moments.

While you will eventually get back to these tasks (I promise!), seriously just forget about your chores for a while.  If your ironing/vacuuming/dishes slide off of your priority list for an extended period of time, it’s not important. When you begin to learn the balance of parenting, some of those tasks will be added back in slowly. Until then, don’t worry about it.

And lastly, find what works for you.  If it feels healthier to get out and take your child on a walk every day for fresh air, make that a priority. If you feel overwhelmed and don’t even want to bother spending hours getting ready for one simple outing, stay at home. Making yourself healthier as a parent is going to lead to a happier you and a happier family.

If you do find yourself in this position, know you’re not alone. We will learn, we will adapt, and we will not only get through this, but we will be better people for it.

How much support did you have as a new parent? How did you cope at the times you didn’t have help?