I’m in kind of a weird place right now and I think it’s a place all moms find themselves at some point. A huge majority of the women that I know and are friends with are stay-at-home moms (especially those with young children). But since I work outside of the home, I’m surrounded by many working moms and these women are more work-friends than anything. At times, it feels like two different worlds.

So, outside of the office, when I meet another working mom, I start to feel an immediate kinship with her. There’s a momentary thought that pops into my head that says “Here’s another mom just like me!”

But all moms are not created equal. After all, you can’t classify women into two groups: those who work and those who stay-at-home. That’s way too simplistic. Because, to be honest, many moms want to work. And many stay-at-home moms like being stay-at-home moms. Some working moms would rather be stay-at-home moms, and some stay-at-home moms would rather be working moms. There aren’t just two types of moms anymore.

Some moms work outside the home because of desire to work, some work strictly because of financial considerations like salary or medical insurance, and some work because of obligations to a family run business. Some moms are stay-at-home moms because of choice; they simply want to. Some stay-at-home due to family situations (maybe an ill child or a military lifestyle). Some moms stay at home to avoid the cost of daycare.

The danger in pre-judging a woman on her occupational status is two-fold. First, you could write off a friend simply because they have a different working situation than you. What a shame that would be! Stay-at-home moms and working moms can be great friends! Working Wanda and Stay-At-Home Sally can forge a wonderful friendship even if both are content in their situations.  And even if Wanda would rather stay-at-home and Sally would rather work.

Secondly, the needs of a family change and you might not always be in the situation you’re in. A woman who works today might not work outside the home tomorrow. Likewise a stay-at-home mom might enter the work force in the future. Having friends who have been there, done that before can be a great asset as your life changes.

I’ll admit though, there is a part of me that has a little spark of hope when I meet another working mom. (Maybe that has more to do with the fact that I personally don’t know too many.) I just have to keep in mind that it might be that the only thing that I have in common with her is our working status. In the whole grand scheme of things, that probably isn’t enough to build a friendship on. Likewise, when I meet a stay-at-home mom, we might be a great friendship fit. I try to keep an open mind! I like having friends from different backgrounds; career is just one of them.

What’s the easiest way for you to find friends?

Plus, more from The Bump:

How I Knew I Wanted to Quit My Job and Become a Stay-at-Home Mom

What It’s Really Like to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

How to Win When It Comes to ‘Mommy Wars’

“There is an art to being a daddy, just as there is to being a husband, sometimes they are the same, and other times they must be treated completely separate.”

When you find out your wife is pregnant it’s time to kick it into high gear and start learning the balance between being the daddy and the husband; I call it “trutina,” which is Latin for balance.

I want to lay it all out for all of you expectant daddies: What do you need to know, and how can you keep the balance during the process of pregnancy and beyond?

Although the first day you discover your wife is pregnant, she may not look any different to you, I can guarantee you her hormones are already starting to run on overdrive, and internally, her body is changing at an alarming pace, so be patient as she will likely feel very different, and as her husband it’s your duty to experience all of these new things right by her side.

Make sure to remind yourself at all times to be engaged and to listen; do not be pre-occupied: put down the cell phone, the iPod, the newspaper, and realize that even though you feel the same, your wife will be undergoing dramatic changes. She will experience simultaneous emotions of fear, happiness, sadness, and security. Do not be surprised if she starts talking about savings accounts, life insurance, living wills, etc. Your job, as husband and expectant daddy, is to just jump right in, and help get the ball rolling on each of these tasks. I suggest making lists and figuring out how you can accomplish something off the list every single day. Nine months may seem like a long time now, but trust me when I say it’ll go by in a blink of the eye.

If this is your first child, then you need to understand the “fear of the unknown” can sometimes be overwhelming. There are so many logistics to take into consideration, such as: Where will the baby sleep? Is the house clean enough? Do we have enough money? Should we move? What about college?  These thoughts are all good and healthy, and it is your job as the husband, to help step in and put the thoughts in order and begin addressing them with your wife to the best of your ability. Every concern is important and deserves thoughtful consideration from both you and your wife.

Remember the old saying, “A happy wife is a happy life”? Well during the next nine months, this saying is exponential. If she has a concern, show her you care immediately by addressing that concern however possible.

If I were to give husbands and expectant daddies everywhere a single piece of advice it would be to take everything one day at a time. There are sure to be difficult days as well as wonderful days. It takes time to transition from husband to daddy, and you’re going to have to learn the balance there in-between. Enjoy all of the special and unique experiences that come with pregnancy, and  with a bit of hard work everything is sure to fall into place — just be confident.

What advice would you give to an expectant dad?

One of the most important decisions anyone can make in their lives is the decision to have a baby. I distinctly remember being woken up in the middle of the night and seeing Mrs. Daddy Nickell sitting up in bed staring at the wall. She wanted to know, right then and there, “Do I? Can I? Would I? Will I?” have more babies.

I could see it in her eyes – it was a classic case of “fight or flight.”

Now, in our case, it was understandable, as I was already a daddy to four children from a previous marriage, and had a 15-year vasectomy  and lived my last ten years as a comfortable, divorced bachelor.

I immediately reached over, rubbed her shoulders, and told her “Absolutely. I could not think of anything more important or more fulfilling than to have more children and to raise them together as a family with you.” I told her I’d already done research on the Internet and had found a physician in Los Angeles who specialized in the latest technique of “laser welding” for vasectomy reversals.

Now all I could see in her eyes was “I love you…”

The conversation about having a baby is an important one, and in many cases, an unavoidable one. Be ready: 99 percent of married couples make the decision to have babies, so if you’re freshly married without children, just be prepared to have an open and honest conversation about your future and raising children with your partner. I won’t lie to you — deciding to have a child will change your life forever, but in a very positive way. Raising a family takes an army, and you’ll likely need to lean on other parents, neighbors, close friends, and family members. It isn’t easy, and you may have to give up your daily five-mile run in the morning or drinking a few beers on Saturday afternoon with the guys, but I can tell you it’s worth every moment.

When you decide tell your wife, yes you’re ready to have a baby, be prepared to accept the full responsibility to help raise, hold, love, educate, and work together as a team for the next twenty plus years — let’s face it, our parenting duties aren’t finished the day our youngest kid turns eighteen!

There’s an old saying, “Children are like flowers, the parents are there to plant the seed, offer protection, warmth, nourishment, and to then let the flower grow and bloom.” So when you’re ready to agree to have a baby, be prepared to do just that. I can’t begin to tell you how incredible it is to be able watch your child grow and flourish.

So when you agree to have a baby, enjoy every moment, as every stage brings about different questions and emotions, and every stage flies by more quickly than you think.

Did you, or your partner have to “agree” to have a baby? What was the biggest deciding factor?

During my pregnancy, my husband was involved, but not overly so. By mutual decision, he only came to three of my doctor’s appointments:

• The first one where they confirmed the pregnancy via ultrasound
• The 20-week ultrasound appointment to do the anatomy scan
• One near the end when there was concerns about baby’s growth and position

For the most part, until the end, I had an unremarkable pregnancy.  I didn’t need too much help from my husband. I did most of the research on baby items that we’d need as well as decorated the nursery; he didn’t have too many opinions on fabric or paint or stroller choices. He would help me around the house, gave me some great back rubs when I needed them, and attended the hospital’s birthing and child care class with me.

I’ll be honest: I was kind of nervous about how comfortable he would be around Finn once he was born. We don’t have many babies in our lives and besides, you don’t interact with your niece or nephew the same way you do your own child.  There just isn’t a great way to practice that experience until you’re there!

It was in the hospital that I first started seeing my husband’s awesomeness. He was amazing! He’d walk Finn around the hospital hallway, so that I could catch a nap. He spent both nights with us in the hospital, sleeping on a cot. He went with Finn to all appointments inside the hospital — including his circumcision and hearing test. He’d bring the baby to me when it was time to feed him. He asked the nurses to show him how to change diapers, properly swaddle, and how to give a bath. In fact, I don’t think I changed a diaper until we got home and he went back to work! He definitely jumped in with both feet. I was (and still am) blessed to be married to him!

Then Finn and I came home. My husband would ask me what he could do to help, but the trouble was that I wasn’t great at knowing and communicating what would he could do to help me. It took me a week to recognize that I needed a shower, two solid meals, and at least one nap a day to feel normal and sane. Once I figured that out, I was better able to help my husband help me, since I could go right out and tell him what was important to me. He could watch Finn while I slept or ate. He could make dinner so that I could watch baby. It didn’t bother me to have the house a little messy or to have piles of laundry. Those things were secondary to me to other things. If he’s going to spend time and energy taking something off of my To Do list, it might as well be the thing that means the most to me!

So, ladies, give yourself permission to get help from your partner! When he asks you what you need help with, tell him. Don’t be shy.  You’re in this together and he wants to help!

How did you ask for help during your baby’s first weeks? What was the most helpful thing your partner did?

Every day here at The Bump, we talk about issues that affect moms and moms-to-be: money, maternity leave, relationships, friendships, housework, parenting and more. And like to think we’ve got our fingers on the pulse of what moms really do, want, think and need. But every once in a while we need a statistical reality check.

That’s why we partnered with ForbesWoman to create the ForbesWoman and TheBump 2012 State of The American Mother Survey, so we can get a true glimpse into moms’ biggest challenges and triumphs, decisions and dilemmas.

We want to know what’s going on with you. Make your voice heard — please take our survey now (it takes less than five minutes — promise)!