When you’re a first-time mom, you hear advice coming out of the woodwork. It seems that everyone you know has some advice for you on how to be a good parent, ranging from your child’s soon to be sleep habits to exactly how to properly burp a baby.

Some of the advice I was given as a first time mom was completely off, but some advice has stuck with me, and there are a few pieces of advice I received the first time around that I’m abiding by now.

Sleep now, while you still can!
While the first time around, I thought, “That’s silly.  You can’t stockpile sleep and use it later, it doesn’t work that way!”, I now realize what those moms were saying. For most parents, it takes months or sometimes even years to reach the point where you get a good night’s sleep. And, even then, you’re waking to every slight creak or bluster of wind, thinking it’s your babe. I fully recognize now that napping while my son naps and sleeping in whenever he does, or when my husband gives me the chance, feels wonderful, and I am stockpiling that wonderful, refreshed feeling for the sleepless nights ahead.

Don’t go out and buy tons of baby items until you know you need them.
With our son, we purchased tons of baby items. While it’s less convenient (and not part of my obsessive nature) to not have an entire bin of things we might need for the baby, it saves a ton of money on things you’ll never end up using. If we need something now, I know it can be a nice break from the routine to get us out for an hour or two to run errands. And, if I’m needing a few minutes to myself as a nursing mother who’s on the clock 24 hours a day with a new baby, it gives my husband some bonding time with both children while I step out for a few minutes to pick something up.

Give your partner some slack and expect to be given some slack in return.
As first-time parents, I think it’s easy to become overwhelmed at the sleep deprivation and become angrier or more surly with your spouse or significant other. As a second-time parent, I think both my husband and I realize the drill. We’re not going to be at our perfect best the few months after a child is born. We’ll try the best we can to be respectful with each other, but at the same time, we realize now that it doesn’t have anything to do with the strength of our marriage or our love for one another if we get cross at each other at 5 a.m. after a full night of baby wrangling. It happens, and we still love each other.

What are some pieces of parenting advice you’ve been given that you find or found particularly helpful?

I am 23 weeks and five days away from meeting my next baby, but unlike my first pregnancy, the fears of labor and delivery, breastfeeding and picking the perfect baby name are no longer at the top of my “worry list.” Instead my anxiety is focused on how I could possibly love this child as much as I love my first — my dear, sixteen month-old, Penelope.

I felt connected to Penelope the day I saw the word “yes” flash across the digital pee test, and over the next nine months my relationship with my unborn child grew as I wrote to her in my journal and talked to her aloud during my long drives to and from work. I never questioned my ability to love her, since I was already in love with her months before we met.

Once Penelope was born, my world was shaken and shifted in a direction I never expected. My priorities, desires and dreams now all center around my daughter and her happiness. I’ve become lost in her blue-eyed love spell and am finally able to truly grasp the concept of unconditional love and sacrifice.

My current pregnancy, on the other had, hasn’t been a connected love-fest of diary entries and soft sung lullabies. It’s been filled with exhaustion, nausea and complex thoughts that routinely make me doubt my ability to equally love and mother two children simultaneously.

Although embarrassed and a bit ashamed, I hesitantly asked my friend Jessica, a recent mom to two kids under two years old, if she carried the same fear during her second pregnancy. “Of course,” she responded! “What you are feeling is normal. All you know is your love for Penelope, who you think is perfect.” She continued, “How could you think any other baby would be better, even your own?” Jessica went on to tell me that I will probably carry my doubt throughout my pregnancy. She said, “But once that new baby is in your arms, you’ll feel instant relief and fall in love all over again.” Jessica went on to remind me of one of the main reasons I want to expand our family, saying, “And just wait for your children to connect, watch and respond to one another — that is a whole new love you will all get to experience.”

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. I no longer felt alone and I no longer felt like a bad mother for having those thoughts. Instead I realized my fear of not being able to love my second child like my first was due to my deep desire to give another what I had already given one.

Learn more about Danielle, a newly added guest blogger for The Bump by watching her introductory video here!