After months of trying to conceive, time spent with your partner can be lacking romance and losing its spark. Spontaneity is likely to be on the decline and replaced by calculated times of “intimacy.” Not being able to complete the task of becoming pregnant can be frustrating and draining for the both of you. That’s exactly why it’s important to keep the health of your relationship a priority. Take time to nurture your family’s foundation and work on being a fun, safe, and comforting partner for your spouse.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Keep dating each other. You are together for a reason – you fell in love and enjoy each other’s company. So prove it! Don’t stop dating now that you are married or your schedule is busier. Maybe it’s the stress of trying to conceive that is wearing on you? While TTC your mind is likely focused on the many reasons you want to be entering parenthood, but in the meantime force yourselves to find reasons why you can love the season you are in and take time to enjoy it.

2. Build safety. Take time to be open with your partner about the frustrations of TTC. Create a safe place for you to share with each other. Be mindful that everyone deals with stress in unique ways and understand that your partner may deal with TTC in a different way than you are. Also, it might be beneficial to share with family, friends, or a licensed counselor if the burden of TTC feels too heavy for you both to carry alone.

3. Be spontaneous. If you have been TTC for at least a few months, it’s likely your calendar has become a rigid schedule of ovulation dates and temperature charting. It pretty much goes without saying that regular scheduling of your intimate time together isn’t exactly sexy. So, take a break! Maybe it’s a month of not charting at all (gasp!). You might feel like you are losing time and wasting a month, but your marriage is worth it.

4. Before midnight feedings and teething there were romantic dinners and movie dates. When your family of two grows into a family of three or more, it will still have the two of you as a foundation. Through this potentially rough season for your relationship, keep your foundation strong.

How have you kept your relationship a top priority?

Plus, more from The Bump:

11 Things to Avoid When Trying to Conceive

The Biggest Trying to Conceive Turn-Offs

Secrets to Getting Through Trying to Conceive

If you personally do not have experience with a complicated pregnancy or difficulty trying to conceive, talking to someone dealing with those issues can be intimidating. While I believe it’s 100% okay to share your life and experience, you may want to consider being sensitive to the struggles of others.

Here are a few dos and don’ts when it comes to potentially uncomfortable conversations:

Don’t avoid sharing your experience. If you are currently pregnant and have a friend who is TTC (trying to conceive), don’t avoid sharing your excitement and fears. The last thing someone who is TTC wants to feel is isolated from friends who are moms or soon-to-be moms.

Do consider the feelings of others. While it may be appropriate to share your experience with friends who are TTC, consider your tone when talking about pregnancy symptoms. Believe it or not, but someone who is TTC, very well may desire to experience morning sickness, gaining baby weight, and kicks in the ribs. Besides, you’ll have a happier pregnancy if you can laugh through these moments instead of complaining.

Don’t avoid the conversations. It’s likely your friend who is TTC really dislikes feeling isolated. If there’s an elephant in the room in the form of your pregnant belly, don’t avoid talking about it. Just don’t make it the only thing you talk about.

Do say “I’m sorry that you are going through this.” Feeling compassion for others is a part of life. Whether you are pregnant, already a mom, or not even thinking about having kids, don’t be afraid to express your sympathies.

And lastly…

Do ask questions about her life and really listen. On average, a person listens for 7 seconds during a conversation before interjecting. Give your friend more than 7 seconds. Make sure to dedicate some of the conversation to how she is doing without automatically relating it to your life.

What should you say to your TTC friends?

Plus, more from The Bump:

The Worst Things to Say to Someone Who Is TTC

Top Five Worst Things to Say to a Pregnant Woman

The Worst Things to Say to Moms of Preemies

I’m a firm believer in sharing your story with others. For my husband and I, it has been the recent struggle of trying to conceive (TTC) for a year and a half. Now I’m nine months pregnant and anxiously waiting the day I get to meet my little girl. But I don’t want to forget what those 18 months felt like and how that is a part of my story.

Here are a few things I considered before sharing my experience with TTC:

Why share your story – I believe that connecting with others is a wonderful and powerful part of life. Being vulnerable with others is how we connect and deepen our appreciation of life and of each other. For myself, I chose to “go public” with our story of struggling with conception after my husband and I became pregnant. Because I openly shared, friends and acquaintances shared personal stories with me and I learned that story wasn’t a lonely one.

Who to share your story with – Maybe you don’t feel comfortable with your personal business going “Facebook live.” Think through who you are comfortable sharing your story with. I advise discussing it over with your partner before either of you decide to share it with anyone. You might decide to limit telling a few close friends and family, or decide that you want to be a mouthpiece for TTC and open the discussion within your circle and social network.

How to share your story – Maybe you’re a writer, like myself, and blogging is the natural way to share. But maybe you’re not. Share your story in the way you feel most comfortable. If you are best communicating face-to-face, share with those as it comes up in conversation. Are you gifted in arts or photography? However you are skilled, consider using it to tell your story.

My hope is that if you are TTC and haven’t shared your feelings with anyone yet, this article would encourage you to share with those family and friends who you find appropriate. One thing about struggling with TTC is you are not nearly as alone as it feels and you shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed by your struggle.

If you struggled or are currently struggling with TTC, how are you sharing your story?

It can be a trial to be trying to conceive. When my husband and I married, we had decided to wait a year before trying for a munchkin. One year and one month after tying the knot, I was staring at a positive pregnancy test! Since family knew that we were going to wait the year to start trying, we told them right away that we were expecting.

This go around, it hasn’t been nearly as quick. We started trying again right after my son was born and I got the “all clear” from my doctor at my six-week postpartum check up. My son is almost eight months old and I’m not pregnant yet. Obviously (since I blog here — and quite publicly!) many people know that it’s our desire to have more children and to not waste much time. So we get questions every so often on how it’s going.

Many women do keep their “trying to get pregnant” status more quiet than I have. For good reason. It can be annoying to be asked. Sometimes, you can feel like people are looking at you and analyzing body changes: “Is that a baby bump or just a big lunch?” It can be emotionally difficult to say “No baby yet.” Even worse is the people who give you suggestions like “Just have a few too many glasses of wine — that’s what got my girlfriend pregnant!” or “Just relax and it’ll happen!” I would have to say that the worst is when I-hope-they-mean-well people ask “What’s the problem? Don’t ya know what causes a baby?” Like you’re just dying to tell them the intimate details of your personal life…

And if you let people know that you’re trying, it gets even trickier once you know you’re pregnant, but aren’t quite ready to tell everyone. Should you lie? Skirt the truth? I can very easily see why many women don’t tell anyone that they are trying to get pregnant. For me, I haven’t minded the questions. Too much. So far, everyone has been very kind and they haven’t been too nosy. But I’ll be honest — I didn’t expect to be here. I expected to have an eight-month-old and have another well on its way. I didn’t expect to try for longer than a month or two. So, it’s frustrating. But really, I’m embarrassed. The reason it’s embarrassing is because I was just so sure that I wouldn’t be here. Here, with an eight-month-old and no second baby in sight. Embarrassing because I was so sure that it wouldn’t be me that would struggle to get pregnant. Embarrassing because I was just so prideful and self-confident over something that I (apparently) have little control over!

The truth is that I had unrealistic expectations. Maybe I just got lucky with getting pregnant so quickly with my son. Maybe things are still a little ‘off’ since my pregnancy. Maybe things have changed with my body and I’ll need to seek fertility help eventually (it’s still too early for that). The fact is that you just never know how long it will take.

I’m not sure that I’d do anything different though — I don’t regret telling people that we want more children and want them soon. Next time, though, I’ll set expectations better. Expectations with other people, telling them “This could take a while,” but more importantly, expectations with myself!

How did you decide whether or not to tell people that you were trying to get pregnant?

One of the most important decisions anyone can make in their lives is the decision to have a baby. I distinctly remember being woken up in the middle of the night and seeing Mrs. Daddy Nickell sitting up in bed staring at the wall. She wanted to know, right then and there, “Do I? Can I? Would I? Will I?” have more babies.

I could see it in her eyes – it was a classic case of “fight or flight.”

Now, in our case, it was understandable, as I was already a daddy to four children from a previous marriage, and had a 15-year vasectomy  and lived my last ten years as a comfortable, divorced bachelor.

I immediately reached over, rubbed her shoulders, and told her “Absolutely. I could not think of anything more important or more fulfilling than to have more children and to raise them together as a family with you.” I told her I’d already done research on the Internet and had found a physician in Los Angeles who specialized in the latest technique of “laser welding” for vasectomy reversals.

Now all I could see in her eyes was “I love you…”

The conversation about having a baby is an important one, and in many cases, an unavoidable one. Be ready: 99 percent of married couples make the decision to have babies, so if you’re freshly married without children, just be prepared to have an open and honest conversation about your future and raising children with your partner. I won’t lie to you — deciding to have a child will change your life forever, but in a very positive way. Raising a family takes an army, and you’ll likely need to lean on other parents, neighbors, close friends, and family members. It isn’t easy, and you may have to give up your daily five-mile run in the morning or drinking a few beers on Saturday afternoon with the guys, but I can tell you it’s worth every moment.

When you decide tell your wife, yes you’re ready to have a baby, be prepared to accept the full responsibility to help raise, hold, love, educate, and work together as a team for the next twenty plus years — let’s face it, our parenting duties aren’t finished the day our youngest kid turns eighteen!

There’s an old saying, “Children are like flowers, the parents are there to plant the seed, offer protection, warmth, nourishment, and to then let the flower grow and bloom.” So when you’re ready to agree to have a baby, be prepared to do just that. I can’t begin to tell you how incredible it is to be able watch your child grow and flourish.

So when you agree to have a baby, enjoy every moment, as every stage brings about different questions and emotions, and every stage flies by more quickly than you think.

Did you, or your partner have to “agree” to have a baby? What was the biggest deciding factor?

My name is Kristy. I’m 26 years old and have been trying to conceive my first child since August of 2011. I have been married for over three years and have a nine-year-old stepdaughter. I am a daily poster on The Bump Trying to Get Pregnant and Trouble Trying to Get Pregnant message boards. Just a little background on my medical history. I am physically disabled due to a benign spinal cord astrocytoma (tumor) they found when I was five years old. Unfortunately, it caused a mess of other problems for me, including mobility issues, scoliosis, nerve damage, and a whole lot more. I’ve had a total of 17 surgeries (three tumor removals, two leg lengthenings with several re-breaks of bones in between, foot reconstruction, and many others) . I have definitely gone through hell and back but I fully believe that all of these challenges have prepared me for the struggle I am facing now.

Over a year ago my husband, Rich, and I trashed the birth control after visiting and speaking with each of my eight doctors to make sure it was okay for me to physically carry and have a child. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and I wasn’t going to let my disability or medical conditions get in the way of that. I wasn’t ovulating so I decided to call my OB — I call him Dr. Vajay for obvious reasons. He ran several tests and diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). He would always say, “We will get you pregnant. I just have a feeling it’s going to take a little bit longer for you to get there.” Truer words have never been spoken, Dr. Vajay. After that, he sent me off to the infertility clinic. I’m currently on my 5th round of Clomid and five days of injections into the stomach. I never thought it would take so much to get pregnant but I’m willing to do poke myself with needles, drive to tons of monitoring appointments and pay a ton of money to get there. I will have a child one day, whether it’s one month from now or three years from now. I’m never going to give up until I have a sweet little baby in my arms.

So now you know a little about my history and where I am on the roller coaster of trying to conceive. I look forward to sharing my thoughts, pictures, disappointments and how I handle this crazy ride in future posts. I’m incredibly open so feel free to ask any questions. Thanks for reading!

Have you struggled with fertility? How did you get through it?